The Barrister
I would've changed the visual lead-in this week... except after going to 4-0 this weekend, I still do feel a little bit heroic. So it stays.
It was a weird and wild weekend in fantasy nationwide, with Cam Newton back running up unreal numbers, Tom Brady falling back to earth, and Arian Foster appearing to be back to full health. To see how all that played out for the DGWU Crew, click "Read More." You know you want to.
I would've changed the visual lead-in this week... except after going to 4-0 this weekend, I still do feel a little bit heroic. So it stays.
It was a weird and wild weekend in fantasy nationwide, with Cam Newton back running up unreal numbers, Tom Brady falling back to earth, and Arian Foster appearing to be back to full health. To see how all that played out for the DGWU Crew, click "Read More." You know you want to.
This is for you, Scizzer!
After his Week 3 loss, Scizz and his Hoboken Hurricanes bounced back with a convincing win over Crippling Back Pain. Despite Jay Cutler's ongoing tour of shitty play - good for 2.25 pts...perhaps its time to start blaming the diabetes? Anything to take the focus off the fact that he sucks - Scizz had obscene days from Hakeem Nicks, Matt Forte and Jimmy Graham. And, with Crippling Back Pain's big days from Cam Newton and Greg Jennings, it was a good time for Scizz to get superhuman efforts from his squad. All this while Scizz and Scizzette hit the Magic Kingdom for some wholesome fun and excessive drinking.
Meanwhile. Yachtsman's WMPs lost its first of the year while Yachter was on location in Colorado doing cool beer things with cool beer hipsters. No reports yet on whether he repeated his habitual bovine penetration while touring the Rockies, but intelligence out of Boulder indicates that four heifers woke up with big smiles on their faces this Sunday, so prospects are good. Week 4 finally matched Yachtsman up against one of the better and more high scoring teams in the league, and it was no big surprise that WMPs were taken down a peg. The DC Earthquakes had huge days from resident puppy murderer Mike Vick, Calvin Johnson and Beanie Wells. While Yachter didn't have particularly embarrassing days from anyone other than Matt Schaub - certainly a change from WMPs roster last week - he simply lacked the big production that would have made a victory possible.
The Apologist, now officially on the verge of fantasy-football-induced suicide (that's not funny...), lost his fourth in as many games in a battle of the non-winners. Yancey's Fancy got utterly dismantled by El Mas Guapo, mostly due to the behemoth that is Aaron Rodgers and his 53.92 points - yikes - and the big night from the Baltimore defense as they made Mark Sanchez look like Trent Edwards. Though, to be fair, Apologist's QB tandem of Josh Freeman and Rex Grossman just isn't getting it done, so the Week 4 loss isn't a terrible surprise. Sorry, Aps.
I lied. Not sorry at all.
For my beauty of a team, Bachmann's Cervix, as I mentioned in the lead-in, Week 4 was another victory, albeit by a pretty narrow margin. Narrow like Michelle Bachmann's mind, am I right? Get it? Because SHE'S A GODFORSAKEN IDIOT. Deep breaths, Dubs, deep breaths.... Mark Sanchez had a turd of a game, and on Sunday Night Football no less. Luckily, WRs Steve Smith, Eric Decker (sleeper pick of the year!) and Dez Bryant each had big days, and Tom Brady's quiet effort was still enough to lead me to a win. On the other side of the ball, the Hammering Hebrews XI made it close, but - alas - it was not their day and they dropped to 1-3.
Meanwhile. Yachtsman's WMPs lost its first of the year while Yachter was on location in Colorado doing cool beer things with cool beer hipsters. No reports yet on whether he repeated his habitual bovine penetration while touring the Rockies, but intelligence out of Boulder indicates that four heifers woke up with big smiles on their faces this Sunday, so prospects are good. Week 4 finally matched Yachtsman up against one of the better and more high scoring teams in the league, and it was no big surprise that WMPs were taken down a peg. The DC Earthquakes had huge days from resident puppy murderer Mike Vick, Calvin Johnson and Beanie Wells. While Yachter didn't have particularly embarrassing days from anyone other than Matt Schaub - certainly a change from WMPs roster last week - he simply lacked the big production that would have made a victory possible.
The Apologist, now officially on the verge of fantasy-football-induced suicide (that's not funny...), lost his fourth in as many games in a battle of the non-winners. Yancey's Fancy got utterly dismantled by El Mas Guapo, mostly due to the behemoth that is Aaron Rodgers and his 53.92 points - yikes - and the big night from the Baltimore defense as they made Mark Sanchez look like Trent Edwards. Though, to be fair, Apologist's QB tandem of Josh Freeman and Rex Grossman just isn't getting it done, so the Week 4 loss isn't a terrible surprise. Sorry, Aps.
I lied. Not sorry at all.
For my beauty of a team, Bachmann's Cervix, as I mentioned in the lead-in, Week 4 was another victory, albeit by a pretty narrow margin. Narrow like Michelle Bachmann's mind, am I right? Get it? Because SHE'S A GODFORSAKEN IDIOT. Deep breaths, Dubs, deep breaths.... Mark Sanchez had a turd of a game, and on Sunday Night Football no less. Luckily, WRs Steve Smith, Eric Decker (sleeper pick of the year!) and Dez Bryant each had big days, and Tom Brady's quiet effort was still enough to lead me to a win. On the other side of the ball, the Hammering Hebrews XI made it close, but - alas - it was not their day and they dropped to 1-3.
Rounding out the action from the league, Grandpa Tim's AARP All Stars lost to J Spotters, who benefited from the good numbers coming out of the choke artist that is Tony Romo. Honestly, we need to put in a fantasy stat category for quarterbacks who build up media hype and then piss away leads like that guy. What a fucking joke. Action Jackson, in the last remaining game, almost doubled up GiZ Beasts on the backs of DeSean Jackson and Arian Foster. Though, with the shit team put out by GiZ - Chad Henne and Vince Young starting? Really? Kill yourself, GiZ. - anyone in our league can win against them... except maybe Aps.
And that does it for Week 4. I retain my spot in the #1 position for another week, Apologist continues to keep his finger on the trigger, and Yachtsman scolds me for hubris and disrespect for the Fantasy Gods. I'm a dangerous guy, what can I say?
Here's the standings rundown:
And that does it for Week 4. I retain my spot in the #1 position for another week, Apologist continues to keep his finger on the trigger, and Yachtsman scolds me for hubris and disrespect for the Fantasy Gods. I'm a dangerous guy, what can I say?
Here's the standings rundown:
Apologist's squad, Yancey's Fancy, sits in the 11th spot with the most points against. As something which he has absolutely no control over, this season has been a series of tough breaks for Aps. Yachter falls down to 5th place with the lowest score of the 3-1 teams, while Scizz sits in 2nd with the highest score of the 3-1 teams. I doubt my 4-0 record will hold up much longer, but at least it brings me a step closer to a playoff berth.
Next week, the DGWU crew gets its first taste of intra-crew rivalries, as Yachter and I finally square off in the long-awaited death match. Scizz will face El Mas Guapo, and Aps will continue seeking that elusive win as he plays the Hammering Hebrews. SPOILER: Aps will lose.
Until then, follow me on Twitter. And check the whole DGWU Crew.
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