You have to be fucking kidding me.
It must be fate, this weird and coincidental tendency of the universe to shit all over the teams I love, particularly at the very moment my interest is piqued and begins to peak (homophones stand up!!).
Yesterday, looking at the dearth of content for the site during the week ahead - what with the shit sandwiches that are our Buffalo Sabres and Buffalo Bills - I thought it best to talk about my beloved Liverpool, trolling Fulham fans be damned. Certainly, the squad looks (or looked, until yesterday) like it could challenge for a top 4 spot, and I think the fanbase should be allowed to briefly revel in the joys of recent victories and the hope of victories to come. It's almost Christmas, after all, and I wanted - at the very least - to see the team storm strong towards a second half of the season which inspires hope, rather than misery and dread.
Which isn't to say that I won't touch on some happy-ish things later in this post. Just I have something to get off my chest first.
To Liverpool's credit, they're sticking by their guy, and none of us will be surprised to see the ban appealed. Though I'm not entirely sure how their recent foot-stomping and calls for a similar hearing into Patrice Evra's statements to Suarez (Evra admitted calling him a "South American" or some derogatory derivative prior to Suarez saying the now-questioned "Porque, Negro?") might negatively impact the central goal of keeping Suarez on the pitch. While the fan in me rejoices at the Club's defiance of a Football Association that has long been criticized for its assbaggery, I do wonder whether the Club's reaction might make matters far worse. For the sake of their league success this year, I just hope this mess doesn't spiral into an even bigger shitstorm. And, with the FA now refusing to release evidence which might shed light on why such a harsh suspension was imposed, the forecast is not good.
So, again, not to lose the point - #FuckTheFA.
As for Liverpool's chances for league success (moving on to the happy portion of the post), the last month has seen some heartening and disheartening results while the Club marches towards the midseason point. Yet, with the exception of my anger and fear over Suarez, and my rage at the atrocious blue and white kits (see picture below) which, while suitably "throwback," are FUCKING BLUE, my feelings on the Liverpool Football Club are generally upbeat.
Admittedly, though, much of my positivity stems from a delightful Sunday morning spent with the Yachtsman this past weekend while we drank off our hangovers and enjoyed a satisying 2-0 win at Villa Park. Though, to be fair, my neighbors were not delighted as much. Yachter tends to yell a lot, even at 10 a.m. on a Sunday.
Our drinking is only a problem if we don't enjoy it.
But, assuming Liverpool can grab six points in those two matches - the first of which I anticipate being able to watch on my iPhone as we drive up to Massachusetts this afternoon... technology FTW! - the team will be set up for a great December 30th home match against the overachievers from Newcastle who are already starting to fall from grace and currently sit in 7th place. Looking at the teams ahead of Liverpool currently, only Arsenal appears to have an easier time of it as we near the midway point, as they play Villa, Wolves and QPR. Chelsea, the hotbed of everything I hate about bandwagoners in the EPL and my bet for slipping down the table as the season heads steadily into winter, plays Tottenham away, Fulham at home, and Villa at home - a trio of games from which they could possibly only take 3 or 4 points. God willing. Tottenham, in addition to the home fixture against Chelsea this Thursday, are away at Norwich on the 27th (a tough place to play against a surprising side) and away at Swansea only four days later. LFC fans have reason to hope that the Spurs continue the middling play that saw them lose to Stoke and narrowly beat Sunderland at home, though my gut is telling me that the Totties will quickly regain their form. Manchester United, currently in second and - for the moment - well out of range for LFC, will be away at Fulham, and then home against Wigan and Blackburn. I think it's fair to say that they, as well as Man City (who play Stoke at home, and West Brom and Sunderland away), will maintain their place on the table.
I mention all of these upcoming matches because, even though Liverpool has been playing some quality football lately - despite many key injuries (see SABRES! Injuries don't have to ruin you. JUST BE BETTER, BITCHES) - they really do need to close out the first half of the season strong so as to position themselves well for the second half.
Which, incidentally, opens away against Man City. About a week before LFC plays them in the next round of the Carling Cup. Ouch.
And, of course, with the fate of Suarez still up in the air for the time being, the importance of grabbing maximum points while he's still available cannot be overstated. Otherwise, we'll suddenly be relying on Andy Carroll to carry our hopes and dreams. And, honestly, that very thought makes me throw up in my mouth a little.
And finally, fully cognizant that this will reveal me to be a huge acapella dork and will incite rage in Yachter (both for the religiosity and the acapella itself), I leave you with this. To you and yours, friends.