Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic... you know, within the city... that ain't legal either.
The Apologist
Wow. Where do I start?
Do I start with Stevie Johnson's benching? Do I mention that our quarterback with a six-year contract leads the league in interceptions and bewildered-bearded expressions? Do I point out George Edwards' defense gave up the second most points in a half in the HISTORY of this tortured franchise? Do I bring up the fact that all excuses aside Nix & Gailey have a 10-22 record? Do I expect Jerry Sullivan to ever bring any effort to a column again?
Well, I suppose I have to.
Wow. Where do I start?
Do I start with Stevie Johnson's benching? Do I mention that our quarterback with a six-year contract leads the league in interceptions and bewildered-bearded expressions? Do I point out George Edwards' defense gave up the second most points in a half in the HISTORY of this tortured franchise? Do I bring up the fact that all excuses aside Nix & Gailey have a 10-22 record? Do I expect Jerry Sullivan to ever bring any effort to a column again?
Well, I suppose I have to.
Let's get the obvious out of the way first. We all know the conversation Bills fans are having today. Whose side are you on: Chan or Stevie?
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Me? I take Stevie's side. Why? Because if I were running shit Johnson would outlast the front office and coaching staff. I don't like our head coach benching our most talented offensive weapon. Call me crazy.
But Apologist, he broke dah rule!
Oh yeah? What rule did Gailey make up for losing seven straight? What were the guidelines for going 1-5 in the division? After Gailey made his glorious proclamation about benching the next guy who had a good time playing football (way to motivate the troops, Chan!), the team went on a six-game losing spiral. I'm not necessarily saying these two points are connected, but the fact is whatever tactics he was using to motivate the team and win games failed miserably.
But ultimately that's a moot point. In fact, the whole argument is moot. This was a meaningless game yesterday and it's still a meaningless game today.
Here is a fact. We are a worse team without Stevie Johnson lacing up his cleats. I'd even go so far as to say that if the Buffalo Bills do not resign him, we will have one of the worst passing attacks in the league in 2012. Take the other side of the argument against me on that.
People who believe we can easily replace the first receiver in Bills history to put up back-to-back 1,000 yard seasons (look it up) are insane. Period. Jerry, I'm staring squarely at you.
You want to take the side that Stevie is erratic and gets the dropsies occasionally, fine. But don't tell me he's easily replaced. Not by this organization, he's not.
Sure, if we had Bill Belichick, I'd have every confidence in the world that we can cut Randy Moss and still have the league's best passing attack. But, ladies and gentlemen, we all live in the real world. Our team doesn't have an easy time replacing ANYone. When was the last time a player was removed for any reason and the guy behind him was ready for the job? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Look, do I want them to break the bank if Stevie plays hardball? ...YES! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, TRY TO WIN FOOTBALL GAMES!! Not to mention, if we're gonna bring up signing flawed players then we have to talk about Fitztragic. (See what I did there? Spread the word.)
But Apologist, he broke dah rule!
Oh yeah? What rule did Gailey make up for losing seven straight? What were the guidelines for going 1-5 in the division? After Gailey made his glorious proclamation about benching the next guy who had a good time playing football (way to motivate the troops, Chan!), the team went on a six-game losing spiral. I'm not necessarily saying these two points are connected, but the fact is whatever tactics he was using to motivate the team and win games failed miserably.
But ultimately that's a moot point. In fact, the whole argument is moot. This was a meaningless game yesterday and it's still a meaningless game today.
Here is a fact. We are a worse team without Stevie Johnson lacing up his cleats. I'd even go so far as to say that if the Buffalo Bills do not resign him, we will have one of the worst passing attacks in the league in 2012. Take the other side of the argument against me on that.
People who believe we can easily replace the first receiver in Bills history to put up back-to-back 1,000 yard seasons (look it up) are insane. Period. Jerry, I'm staring squarely at you.
You want to take the side that Stevie is erratic and gets the dropsies occasionally, fine. But don't tell me he's easily replaced. Not by this organization, he's not.
Sure, if we had Bill Belichick, I'd have every confidence in the world that we can cut Randy Moss and still have the league's best passing attack. But, ladies and gentlemen, we all live in the real world. Our team doesn't have an easy time replacing ANYone. When was the last time a player was removed for any reason and the guy behind him was ready for the job? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Look, do I want them to break the bank if Stevie plays hardball? ...YES! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, TRY TO WIN FOOTBALL GAMES!! Not to mention, if we're gonna bring up signing flawed players then we have to talk about Fitztragic. (See what I did there? Spread the word.)
At least the beard isn't flawed.
Here are Ryan's passer ratings in the last four games: 60, 79, 72 31. Now tell me again that we can let a talented player leave the offense.
Fitzpatrick knows the rules of an NFL quarterback. All the praise in the world when the team is up. All the blame when the team is down. But he also has to know he deserves it. Sure, guys have dropped passes and wished us all a Happy New Year, but that's life. The offense is run by him and Gailey. So if your offense scores 21 points in a quarter and then doesn't score a single point after that, then it's on you. No one else. You're in charge, therefore, it's your fault.
And speaking of in charge, fuck you, Buddy Nix. Fire George Edwards already. I don't want to hear the rumors leaking out in a few weeks that Ralph doesn't want to have to hire a new coach again. The Colts just fucking fired BILL FUCKING POLIAN! Grow a pair. Fire his ass. Hire Steve Spagnuolo. The end.
*deep breath*
I'm a bit unfocused, I'm aware of this. But it's hard to stay cool and collected today.
For eleven years, this team had barely come within a whiff of a playoff berth. Over that span, our biggest moments were our biggest losses. But at the start of this season, it really did feel like something had changed. No one who watched that win over the Patriots in Week 3 could've imagined that our season would basically end after Week 12. At 5-2, there seemed like no way we wouldn't at least be playing for .500 or better in the last few weeks. And yet here we are, back where we've been every year for the last twelve. No playoffs. Little positivity. Plenty of questions.
Fitzpatrick knows the rules of an NFL quarterback. All the praise in the world when the team is up. All the blame when the team is down. But he also has to know he deserves it. Sure, guys have dropped passes and wished us all a Happy New Year, but that's life. The offense is run by him and Gailey. So if your offense scores 21 points in a quarter and then doesn't score a single point after that, then it's on you. No one else. You're in charge, therefore, it's your fault.
And speaking of in charge, fuck you, Buddy Nix. Fire George Edwards already. I don't want to hear the rumors leaking out in a few weeks that Ralph doesn't want to have to hire a new coach again. The Colts just fucking fired BILL FUCKING POLIAN! Grow a pair. Fire his ass. Hire Steve Spagnuolo. The end.
*deep breath*
I'm a bit unfocused, I'm aware of this. But it's hard to stay cool and collected today.
For eleven years, this team had barely come within a whiff of a playoff berth. Over that span, our biggest moments were our biggest losses. But at the start of this season, it really did feel like something had changed. No one who watched that win over the Patriots in Week 3 could've imagined that our season would basically end after Week 12. At 5-2, there seemed like no way we wouldn't at least be playing for .500 or better in the last few weeks. And yet here we are, back where we've been every year for the last twelve. No playoffs. Little positivity. Plenty of questions.
"Ummmmm..."
Right now, I don't have many answers. It'll take me a few days to think about this team in any rational sense. But in attempting to come up with a title for this post and round out our Lebowski theme for the season, this line stood out in my mind. This team doesn't need any sympathy. It needs it's balls back. No team with any kind of backbone turns a 21-0 lead into a 21-49 loss. That to me lands squarely on Buddy Nix and Chan Gailey. You want to be a tough guy against a 25-year-old kid who plays the game with more passion than brains? Fine. If you'd like, you can arguably hang two of our ten losses on the season around his neck. So then who do we hold responsible for the other eight games this squad fucked up?
The fact is this team is still quite far from where it needs to be if it really does want to be competitive on a yearly basis. And that's assuming that's where we all want to go. Let's face it, that's the elephant in the room no one wants to discuss. 182-year-old Ralph Wilson is still technically a member of the front office and unfortunately many of the decisions that the team has for this off-season still go across his metaphorical desk. And what's really scary is what's going to happen when he's not a member of the team anymore.
If you've made it this far, you're probably as depressed as I am thinking about this team. Usually I'm the king of finding the silver lining, but even I'm struggling to come up with something. I guess all I can say is, find something that makes you happy and think it/do it/watch it/whatever it about four hundred times. Might I suggest this lovely video by LCD Soundsystem at the bottom of my post? It's been helping me so far.
Seriously folks, go back to doing something you enjoy on Sundays. This team does not deserve your patronage, let alone your sympathy, so go find something that does. (Watching basketball sounds a little better today, doesn't it?)
But for those of us who can't help but pay attention, even now... WOO, TENTH PICK IN THE DRAFT! CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW WE FUCK THAT UP, AM I RIGHT!?
'Til next time, Bills fans. Keep your chin up.
If you've made it this far, you're probably as depressed as I am thinking about this team. Usually I'm the king of finding the silver lining, but even I'm struggling to come up with something. I guess all I can say is, find something that makes you happy and think it/do it/watch it/whatever it about four hundred times. Might I suggest this lovely video by LCD Soundsystem at the bottom of my post? It's been helping me so far.
Seriously folks, go back to doing something you enjoy on Sundays. This team does not deserve your patronage, let alone your sympathy, so go find something that does. (Watching basketball sounds a little better today, doesn't it?)
But for those of us who can't help but pay attention, even now... WOO, TENTH PICK IN THE DRAFT! CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW WE FUCK THAT UP, AM I RIGHT!?
'Til next time, Bills fans. Keep your chin up.
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