During the 2012 Buffalo Bills season, the Scizz will be writing weekly game previews that will hit your eye holes every Thursday night/Friday morning. If you've been a follower of the Deeg for a while, you may remember that last season featured previews inspired by "The Big Lebowski." This year, as voted by our loyal/psychotic/confused readers, "Super Troopers" has been chosen as the ongoing cinematic theme. After a quick rundown of the game, the rest of the post has been inspired by his idol, Drew Magary, and his weekly previews on Deadspin, and will provide you with some solid predictions (false) and other incredible insight you can only get here (so false). So sit back and enjoy the (shit)show.
The Scizz
Well that was pretty cool.
Last week our 2012 Buffalo Bills did exactly what an NFL franchise coming off a devastating week 1 loss should do. They took it out on a far less superior opponent. C.J. Spiller is becoming a superstar, Ryan Fitzpatrick, although not perfect, minimized mistakes, and the defense made plays in all the right places. This looked like the team so many folks on various forms of social media thought they could be. And right here would normally be where I breakdown last week's game in various uneducated forms and then make fun of this week's opponents (Ok, I'm still going to do that later). Instead, I really need to share how awesome my trip to Buffalo/WNY was last week. In all honestly, it was one of the best trips back home I've had in the eight years I've lived out here in NYC. It was epic. And although I constantly make fun of the city of Buffalo and its surroundings, I left with an enhanced appreciation for an area I once called home and will always respect as an awesome place with awesome people. Sure the Bills' big win helped, but even without that, it would have barely tarnished an absolutely amazing visit. Fuck a losing disease, Buffalo is awesome and here's why.
Well that was pretty cool.
Last week our 2012 Buffalo Bills did exactly what an NFL franchise coming off a devastating week 1 loss should do. They took it out on a far less superior opponent. C.J. Spiller is becoming a superstar, Ryan Fitzpatrick, although not perfect, minimized mistakes, and the defense made plays in all the right places. This looked like the team so many folks on various forms of social media thought they could be. And right here would normally be where I breakdown last week's game in various uneducated forms and then make fun of this week's opponents (Ok, I'm still going to do that later). Instead, I really need to share how awesome my trip to Buffalo/WNY was last week. In all honestly, it was one of the best trips back home I've had in the eight years I've lived out here in NYC. It was epic. And although I constantly make fun of the city of Buffalo and its surroundings, I left with an enhanced appreciation for an area I once called home and will always respect as an awesome place with awesome people. Sure the Bills' big win helped, but even without that, it would have barely tarnished an absolutely amazing visit. Fuck a losing disease, Buffalo is awesome and here's why.
I got to take a 10 hour road trip through ass-deep city traffic, hill people country, and torrential downpour with two of my best friends while listening to jokes about porch pizzas and shitting in Chicago Cholo bars. I got to participate in a fantasy hockey draft at 8am with a group of Buffalo guys who have been competing in the same league before fantasy ever really existed. I got to visit the Buffalo Zoo for the first time since my childhood, and spend the entire day there with my two nephews and my sister and brother-in-law. I got drink bloody caesars with the Yachtsman, his parents, and one of his best friends on their back porch in Elmwood Village. I got to have dinner with the same folks, while enjoying some insanely awesome wine and cracking jokes about the Yachtsman with Mama Yachtsman. I got to walk into a random bar and get charged a $4 dollar cover for a Grateful Dead cover band (in Buffalo, not Franklinville!) I got to meet some of the Yachtsman's and Apologist's other good friends, and listened to Yachter tell one of them repeatedly that he would light her on fire. I got to FINALLY go to Blue Monk, which is probably just as good as any craft beer bar I've seen in Manhattan. While there, I got to have brews from Community Beer Works and Flying Bison. I got to meet and have beers with one of the guys who led the charge in recording a theme song to the CrapTastiCast! I got to hang out with Coach Sal from WGR and hear some of the most epic and hilarious stories about pro sports that I've ever heard.
I got to have Jim's Steak Out at 1am (still awful) and go back to Yachter's to have a conversation about relationships in the kitchen until 2am. I got to rise and shine early for a Buffalo Bills tailgate. I got to go to Wegman's for bloody mary mix, ice, coffee, and Red Bulls, all the while high-fiving the hundreds of Bills fans that were also there. I got to watch the Apologist and his entire family drive by us honking the horn and blaring "Final Countdown" by Europe as we followed them to the Stadium. I got to sing-a-long with numerous Van Halen songs on the drive while I kept asking myself why I waited five fucking years in between home games. I got to tailgate at La Galleria parking lot with some of the best people I've ever partied with. I got to meet the Apologist's parents and sing happy birthday to him after his mom brought a cake. I got to crush an insurmountable number of beers and bloody mary's while singing the "Shout" song what felt like 247 times. I got to hear Aps' mom tell us she wants to manage our blog (maybe my favorite moment of the trip besides seeing my nephews). I got to participate in the tailgate's famous pre-game group prayer. I got to finally meet, drink, and talk sports with the Outlander. I got to pound a beer with Chris Ostrander from Two in the Box, and then walk into the stadium while recording an intro to the CrapTastiCast. I got watch the game with my buddy Doug (aka "the Dude") who was the last guy I attended a Buffalo home game with.
I got to watch the Bills dominate the Chiefs in every facet of the game with a crowd of over 70,000. I got to take pictures with tons of random Bills fans, including one guy who excitedly said "Wait! You guys are the Dear God, Why Us Sports???". I got to make a one hour commute back to Franklinville with a bunch of guys from High School who were a lot younger than me. I got to sleep the whole way in said car ride. I got to eat beef on weck and baked beans that my mom had ready for me after the game, knowing I'd be drunk/hungover and ready to chow down. I got to spend all day Tuesday with my Mom, just hanging out. I got to go for a run on one of my old cross country courses. I got to go back to my sister's in Tonawanda and see my nephews again. I got to watch Disney Junior with my youngest nephew until he fell asIeep in the chair next to me. I got to have my flight delayed until morning so I could see my family for a few more hours. I got to wake up at 4am to an e-mail from the Barrister announcing the birth of his first child, aka "the Scion". I got to fly home at 5:45 in the morning, the whole time thinking about how and when I'm going to get back home again.
I know that was incredibly long and probably pointless to read for many of you, but this blog is hear for us to write what we want, so fuck it. I do what I want. Onto the dick jokes....
I got to have Jim's Steak Out at 1am (still awful) and go back to Yachter's to have a conversation about relationships in the kitchen until 2am. I got to rise and shine early for a Buffalo Bills tailgate. I got to go to Wegman's for bloody mary mix, ice, coffee, and Red Bulls, all the while high-fiving the hundreds of Bills fans that were also there. I got to watch the Apologist and his entire family drive by us honking the horn and blaring "Final Countdown" by Europe as we followed them to the Stadium. I got to sing-a-long with numerous Van Halen songs on the drive while I kept asking myself why I waited five fucking years in between home games. I got to tailgate at La Galleria parking lot with some of the best people I've ever partied with. I got to meet the Apologist's parents and sing happy birthday to him after his mom brought a cake. I got to crush an insurmountable number of beers and bloody mary's while singing the "Shout" song what felt like 247 times. I got to hear Aps' mom tell us she wants to manage our blog (maybe my favorite moment of the trip besides seeing my nephews). I got to participate in the tailgate's famous pre-game group prayer. I got to finally meet, drink, and talk sports with the Outlander. I got to pound a beer with Chris Ostrander from Two in the Box, and then walk into the stadium while recording an intro to the CrapTastiCast. I got watch the game with my buddy Doug (aka "the Dude") who was the last guy I attended a Buffalo home game with.
I got to watch the Bills dominate the Chiefs in every facet of the game with a crowd of over 70,000. I got to take pictures with tons of random Bills fans, including one guy who excitedly said "Wait! You guys are the Dear God, Why Us Sports???". I got to make a one hour commute back to Franklinville with a bunch of guys from High School who were a lot younger than me. I got to sleep the whole way in said car ride. I got to eat beef on weck and baked beans that my mom had ready for me after the game, knowing I'd be drunk/hungover and ready to chow down. I got to spend all day Tuesday with my Mom, just hanging out. I got to go for a run on one of my old cross country courses. I got to go back to my sister's in Tonawanda and see my nephews again. I got to watch Disney Junior with my youngest nephew until he fell asIeep in the chair next to me. I got to have my flight delayed until morning so I could see my family for a few more hours. I got to wake up at 4am to an e-mail from the Barrister announcing the birth of his first child, aka "the Scion". I got to fly home at 5:45 in the morning, the whole time thinking about how and when I'm going to get back home again.
I know that was incredibly long and probably pointless to read for many of you, but this blog is hear for us to write what we want, so fuck it. I do what I want. Onto the dick jokes....
This week the Buffalo Bills travel to Cleveland to take on a not shockingly 0 - 2 Cleveland Browns. The Browns have lost two close games, and with a roster filled with players that nobody in their right mind is afraid of, fans a plenty are already looking to the week 4 match-up in Buffalo against New England. But of course, as I said last year after the big week 1 win over the Chiefs, let us not get ahead of ourselves.
Easy. Joke.
Although I want to look past the Browns like everyone else, as a fan-base we have to be weary when Buffalo plays a bland team like Cleveland that for some dumb fucking reason seems to have the Bills' number, which I believe is 716-AVE-RAGE. (God, I'm awful). But seriously, this team needs to beware of an 0 - 2 team with young, hungry players. It should scare the crap out of you, too. I don't care that Trent Richardson is banged up. I haven't seen many highlights from this season thus far, but in Alabama, the guy was a tank. He looks exactly like the typical bruising RB that has given the Bills fits over the past 12 seasons. If they can't slow him down, the Browns can make this one ugly game and march to a vomit-inducing 12 - 6 final. Then again, maybe their 72 year old quarterback, Brandon Weeden can tear the Bills to shreds. Remember, Adam Schefter says HE IS SO NFL READY! THIS IS AN AMAZING DRAFT CHOICE AND THE BROWNS HAVE FOUND THEIR OWN TOM BRADY AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I might have paraphrased that a bit, but you get the point.
Jersey fail
Shitty Analysis:
As I’ve done the past two weeks, here are a few poorly thought out, almost incoherent thoughts on how the Bills can win this game. Also, I once paid $20 to have someone take the Bledsoe patch off a #11 jersey and put on Parrish.
1. I already said it once, but it bears repeating: The Bills must not let Trent Richardson run wild on them. I’m terrified of his potential this week based solely on his performances with Alabama, I’ll admit to that, but then you have to think the Browns will do everything in their power to keep the game out of Brandon Weeden’s hands. Buffalo did a great job of shutting down Jamaal Charles last week, but he is more of a finesse back. Trent is that rare combination of speed and power that could doom Buffalo early. They need to get at Richardson early and often to break his rookie spirit.
2. Stick with the run, Chaaaaaaaaaaaan! Every intelligent Buffalo fan in the world (aka non-Bills Mafia members. ZING!) knew that last week the Bills needed to commit to the running game in order to win, and that’s what Chan did. But we all know how Mr. Gailey likes to “mix it up” or for lack of a better term, “fuck with shit that works”. If the Bills come out and throw on the first three downs I may walk straight out of Yachtsman’s apartment and drown myself in the East River. I swear to God, between Chan calling asinine plays at inopportune moments and Lindy Ruff constantly switching lines that work as to better “fit the system”, I don’t know which one I currently hate more. Wait, yes I do. Chan stuck to the game plan last week. He gets the pass. Die Lindy, Die.
3. Keep Scott Chandler involved! Stevie Johnson is the only receiving threat on this team, and that has been painfully obvious the last two weeks as both defenses keyed in on him, many times with doubles. With number 13 tied up, Fitz’s options drop pathetically. Donald Jones had one catch for negative yards last week, T.J. Graham doesn’t appear close to ready for the spot light, and Spiller can catch screens and slants all day but his main roll is to establish the ground game and pick up blitzes. The Deeg are all firm believers that Chandler has the ability to be a top 10 Tight End in the NFL, but only if he keeps getting targeted more than three times a game.
Playlist Additions to fire you up for this week:
B.O.B. (Bombs Over Baghdad) by Outkast. Shut up you whiny liberals, it’s just a song! Seriously though, if this song comes on and you don’t start bobbing your head like a fucking madman, then check your pulse. Outkast is the titz.
Sixteen Saltines by Jack White. Stop playing Seven Nation Army and replace it with this masterpiece. I know for many, Jack White is played out and unoriginal, but for me, the guy knows how to channel Blues into incredible guitar riffs that make me want to punch a baby. Not Dubs’ baby! Like a mean baby. Maybe a Dolphins fan baby.
Da Rockwilder by Method Man & Redman. Coming in at two minutes and 16 seconds, this hip-hop classic is the perfect length to both fire you up and give you just enough time to pick the next song on your playlist. Also, Redman had the greatest episode of MTV Cribs ever.
Random Buffalo Bill of the week:
Speaking of Tight Ends with potential, remember Jonathan Stupar?? A few seasons ago I said this to my friend Doug, aka “The Dude” from our One Bills Drive podcast: “Man, I love Stupar. He could be the first solid pass catching Tight End this team has had since Jay Riemersma!” You may all laugh at me now. Why do I even write on this blog?
Best Twitter Bills fan of the week:
@bb_trycz - I don't know a whole lot about Billy here, but he is pretty funny on twitter, has been a follower of the Deeg for a long time, and may or may not have wandered over to our tailgate last week to shotgun a beer. Either way, give him a follow because the dude is legit.
Worst Twitter Bills fans of the week:
The Pegula Sisters - Fuck hockey, Bettman, and the billionaire owners right now. I blame the children!!!
Speaking of Tight Ends with potential, remember Jonathan Stupar?? A few seasons ago I said this to my friend Doug, aka “The Dude” from our One Bills Drive podcast: “Man, I love Stupar. He could be the first solid pass catching Tight End this team has had since Jay Riemersma!” You may all laugh at me now. Why do I even write on this blog?
Best Twitter Bills fan of the week:
@bb_trycz - I don't know a whole lot about Billy here, but he is pretty funny on twitter, has been a follower of the Deeg for a long time, and may or may not have wandered over to our tailgate last week to shotgun a beer. Either way, give him a follow because the dude is legit.
Worst Twitter Bills fans of the week:
The Pegula Sisters - Fuck hockey, Bettman, and the billionaire owners right now. I blame the children!!!
HOT
Predictions:
Top Stat line of the week: Mario Williams: 1 sack, 1 forced fumble, 3 tackles, and a pass deflection.
Last week I nailed it with Kyle Williams. He had two sacks and disrupted many plays in the backfield. This week I stick with the defensive line. It’s time for Super Mario to earn that nickname, and I can’t think of a better place to do it than at the Dogg Pound against a rookie quarterback..
Garbage pale Stat line of the week: Scott Chandler: 2 catches, 12 yards.
“But Scizz, didn’t you just say a key to the game is Chandler being involved?” Yes, yes I did. But since I still have very little faith in Ryan Fitzpatrick to be consistent, I’m bracing for the worst. Unless of course, Lee Smith has 60 yards and a touchdown. What?
Potential Chiefs Injuries of the week:
Brandon Weeden - Alzheimer's
Ben Watson - Brady Envy
Scott Fujita - Bruised ribs and ego from Goodell
Potential Bills Injuries for the week:
Delano Howell - Obscurity Fade
Ryan Fitzpatrick - Ingrown beard hairs
C.J. Spiller- JUST JOKING I WOULDN'T DARE WOULD I???????????
Drunkest Deeg member of the week:
If the Outlander gets absolutely hammered while playing flip-cup at the Red Carpet Inn parking lot and nobody from the Deeg witnesses it, does it actually happen? In short, yes. Based on reports I've received from the Outlander himself staying out until midnight drinking on Sunday, as well as the pounding of tallboy Busch Lights I witnessed myself, he should probably take the crown.
But what's that? The Yachtsman ALSO stayed out until midnight drinking? Ruh roh. The Yachtsman was in rare form Sunday, and when you hear him talking as positively about the Bills as he was, BEFORE THE GAME, then you know he is waaaaaaay past his limit. I could take the easy way out and call it a tie, but I'm going with the Outlander because he pulled an Irish goodbye at 11:45 in the morning. Props.
So who is up this week? I have a feeling the Outlander will be taking a break from the hardcore drinking. The Barrister is a new daddy, so that is definitely not happening. The Apologist is still recovering from being extremely sick all week, so I don't see that going down. That leaves the Cruise Ship and I watching at his apartment on Sunday. Who takes the title this week? Well if the Bills win, he takes it down. Bills lose, and my depression drinking will take control as I yearn for another trip to an Orchard Park tailgate.
Overall Score: Let's all hope I'm the sober one. Buffalo. For Real.
Bills 17 - Browns 14
-@TheScizz
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