Dear God Why Us Sports
"You are a complete embarrassment to anyone legitimately trying to blog.
You're gonna ruin it for everyone else. Keep it up." - Mike Harrington, TBN
  • Blog
  • The Deeg Podcast Industries
  • Mission Statement
  • Contributors

Music is Sports.

6/27/2013

0 Comments

 
"What instrument should my kid play?"
Picture
not tuba. shit is gigantic.
@jambrones, Guest Contributor


The easy answer is, “The one they like the sound of.”  But, that’s not the right answer in reality. The choice boils down to a finely seasoned stew of the kid’s personality, patience, work ethic, talent and physiology.  Since the general public’s knowledge of music is exceeded in horror only by their lack of patience talking about it, I usually cut my opinions way short.  However, the general public loves to talk about sports, take their kids to sporting events, team practices and games several times a week. Parents would probably benefit by realizing that learning an instrument and playing a sport are THE SAME DAMN THING. (Exception being the fitness aspect, which judging by the fitness of many parents, is not really a priority. Zing.)

Piano is Soccer.

Every child should take piano lessons for at least a year.  It is an excellent beginner instrument.  Kids don’t need to learn how to produce a sound on the piano…it’s automatic.  Even a cat that scurries across the keyboard gets a purrfect tone. You can teach a 3 year old kid a simple song in 2 minutes.  On the piano, you can play melodies, chords, 10 notes at once, super high and super low. It is easy to start, yet daunting to become great.  The step by step patterns of Western Music are laid out on the keyboard like a map in front of the player. It’s all there.  It’s like a musical abacus. Indeed, the piano is the KING of all Instruments.

And so it goes with soccer.  Every child should play soccer for at least a year. It is the undisputed King of all Sports.  Anyone can play it. Just kick. Even toddlers understand it. And yet…like the piano it’s a bitch to master, and really easy to be bad at.

ONE OBJECT: SCORE.  Ball----> Net.   Yay!  Repeat.  The net is HUGE, and it’s right there, on the grass.

ONE RULE:  don’t use your hands.  That’s it…go play. As a beginning soccer kid, there are no special super hard skills or techniques like skating or dribbling a basketball or hitting a baseball to slow the process down.  It’s a great beginner’s sport; Instant success. YET…like the piano, mastery is evasive.  There are advanced dribbling moves and strategy, and a few more rules, just like piano, but in order to get out there and play as a kid, you need not know these things.  That is the beauty of it. Easy to learn, hard to perfect.  Knowing this, it comes as no surprise that soccer is the most popular sport on earth. 
Picture
Sir Patrick Stewart, Huddersfield Town F.C. Academy President. The best.

Guitar is Football.

Our culture has made the guitar so damn sexy.  It is the tool of IDOLS. From Jimi Hendrix, to Eddie Van Halen, to John Mayer and even Taylor Swift…the list goes on and on. Boys, Girls…don’t matter… Everybody wants to play guitar.  (I’ve never even heard of “Air Piano”).  But, when they do try guitar, they quickly realize IT IS WAY HARDER THAN IT LOOKS.  It’s so not a fair deal. Dudes on TV flailing around make it look second nature.  Chicks lying on couches in music videos gracefully strumming some pretty song are misleading us.  The guitar is so glorified…hell, it’s even kinda phallic!  Thank you, Chuck Berry.  But it’s a bait and switch, friends.  A hero, you are not.

Just like American Football.  It’s #1 sport in USA, origin of the "guitar-God" concept.  Idols and Heroes play football. On television, football is gorgeous.  Football looks if it was made to be on the screen.  Guys like Tom Brady, Jerry Rice and Barry Sanders have made it appear effortless to throw like a cannon, elevate and catch like a dancer, or brilliantly elude destruction like a fighter jet. But, as I realized when I played real, organized football, like the guitar….IT SUCKS if you’re not one of those guys who’s ‘GOT IT’.  On any given play, 72% of the offense doesn't even touch the ball, and that's counting the center!  You need the natural skills to succeed like the Gods of the NFL.   If you don’t have them, well, it’s Guard, Safety or bench.  Maybe D-line if you’re big.  And by the way, getting hit in football really, I mean, REALLY sucks.  Even with the pads. It’s a horrific experience.  Worse than, but much like, learning to switch your fingers from chord to chord instantly on the fret board…complete with frustration and blisters.

Flute is Ice Hockey.

I have been teaching the flute to kids for 14 years.  It’s the hardest instrument to start on. Period. Some kids just can’t get a sound because of their mouth structure.  Like, ever. IT’S OVER. Go home, switch instruments.  There is another portion of kids that get a good sound, but it takes them WEEKS to do it.  How many 9 year olds have that kind of patience?  Not only that, once the kid gets a tone, which can take anywhere from days to never, THEN they need learn to move their fingers, and THAT takes even more patience. 

So, beginner Flute? Sucks.

Just like hockey.  I know, playing in the driveway is a breeze.  Floor/Street hockey is like, soccer level easy, but the skating part? Yikes.  Skating is a sport on its own, let alone to go along with hockey?  Brutal. I watched my own little kid spend 3 Weeks learning how to effectively STAND UP OFF THE ICE after falling.  That’s it, man, that’s ALL HE DID for weeks.  Waddle like a penguin—fall---get up. Repeat.  3 weeks. Some kids were just laying there on the ice in full hockey gear, crying. I don’t lie. Coaches were like, “Yup.” Totally unscathed by it all.  Just like these poor little kids with a “tear drop” shaped upper lip trying to learn to breathe from the diaphragm, blow straight air and make a sound on the flute…it is painful to watch and worse to teach.  And, oh it’s boring.

But to be fair, IF you can make it through the beginning of flute/ice hockey…you rule.  It’s so fun.  We all know about how much hockey rules, but in school, the flute players get all the melodies and are usually awesome because the impatient kids have been weeded out in the first year.
Picture
Expert Skin Flautist.

Trumpet is Basketball.

Like the flute, getting a sound on the trumpet is highly dependent on the physical structure of the kids’ mouth and lips.  It’s really weird, and difficult.  The first weeks of trumpet are pretty much spent laughing at fart sounds.  Eventually, the kid has to hear “notes” in the fart sounds and make fart songs. It takes lung power to push a tone and sustain it, so the meeker, quieter kids often totally fall apart.  The trumpet is a bold instrument which requires confidence and power, and immunity to fart sounds.

Dribbling a basketball as a little kid is the pits.  I had to look away as little toddlers attempted to dribble, chasing the ball around, occasionally smacking it with their hand, but inevitably falling on their faces.  It really is very much like buzzing those fart sounds on a trumpet.  It’s a disaster. So, if you make it past that…Then there is the hoop!  Forget it. You have to WORK to get that ball to even go near the 10 foot rim.  Building up your shot is just like building up your embouchure (lip position/strength) to play “real songs” on the trumpet.  But most of us just stick with fart sounds and throwing crumpled up paper into office trash cans.

Violin is Baseball.

Violin is a whole other thing. Ya see…there are “orchestra people”.  They are more dignified, classical and, yes, arrogant than the “band people”. (this is not an insult FTR)  If the kid makes it through the beginning of Violin, the Orchestral experience is not like “band” with its honking Sousa marches and drums etc…no, it’s Mozart, Beethoven and Haydn.  It’s soothing and sophisticated. There’s just something different, might I say, better, about Orchestra.

Making a sound on a Violin is “kind of” instant. It’s easier to produce than the wind instruments, but not as instant as piano.  So, they can get away with starting kids in pre-K.  There’s a special bow grip and posture, and a highly regimented system of easing them into it called “Suzuki” where they use little mini Violins and memorization.  Kinda like Tee ball.

Baseball. Classic. Traditional. Peanuts. Relaxing. They even have a stretch.  Like Orchestra, Baseball sets itself apart from the other sports. It doesn’t have the destructive, outward, viciousness that you may see in these other popular sports.  Still though, baseball has intensity, don’t get me wrong. But it’s an inner game, where you always know the situation, and need to step up and act in a split second after carefully waiting and watching.  While that inner intensity builds and builds.  It’s like…going to the BPO! Hell, the Philharmonic even plays at the games sometimes. Try that at a Football game.

Like basketball and ice hockey, there are specialized skills necessary to play baseball and violin even as a beginner. But Little League, like Suzuki Strings, has a system for this - they start you on a tee, and then the coach pitches for a few years. Learning Baseball and Violin are alike in that they both have widely accepted systems for slowly introducing the full game to the kids.  
Picture
I have no idea what this is but it is topical.
I hope I was able to help you as you may have kids thinking about playing an instrument.  If these factors and comparisons are used by parents in conjunction with their kids’ natural interests…I think they will have a better chance at success.

Oh and lastly - I don’t know about Coaches of kid sports, but I will always choose the hard worker over the more talented kid any day.  So please - whether it’s sports or music - PUSH YOUR KIDS (not too hard, though), don’t let them cheese out like Barrister when he was trying to learn guitar with his small hands. Hard work is the one skill they will forever benefit from no matter what they do.

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    Follow DGWUSports on Twitter

    Recent Posts

    "I guess we have ourselves a reckoning." - Bills vs. Steelers Preview, Week 14

    "I got a nose for white supremacy, and he smells like bleach." Monday Night Football is back, folks.


    Dear God Why Us? In this Economy?

    DGWU Sports #CrapTastiCast Episode 49

    Us

    The Apologist
    @SamiquaLrhubarB

    The Barrister

    The Outlander
    @MattyRenn

    The Commander
    @essbeeay

    DEEG EMERITUS:

    The Yachtsman
    @Y_vo

    Guest Contributors


    And Them

    Black & Blue & Gold
    Buffalo Sabres Nation
    Die By The Blade
    Buffalo Wins
    Nick Mendola
    The Goose's Roost
    Bills Daily
    Sabres Prospects
    Shutdown Pair
    Sal Sports

    Email us!


    Past Drivel

    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    January 2020
    August 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    August 2018
    April 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    March 2017
    October 2016
    September 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    February 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    April 2010
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009
    June 2009
    May 2009
    April 2009


    Tags

    All
    2012 Stanley Cup Playoffs
    Aaron Hernandez
    Aaron Williams
    Adventures In Douchebaggery
    Amar'e Stoudemire
    Analytics
    Andre Reed
    Apostles Of Bob
    Arizona Cardinals
    Arsenal FC
    Arsene Wenger
    Assbaggery
    Auto Racing
    Bad Idea Night
    Baltimore Orioles
    Baltimore Ravens
    Baseball
    Basketball
    Beards
    #becauseitsbuffalo
    Beer
    Big Lebowski
    Bigots
    Big Thoughts
    Bills Mafia
    Bills Previews
    Black Sabbath
    Blue Collar
    Boat Shoes
    Boner_Shorts
    Boobie Dixon
    Booze
    Boston Bruins
    Boston Celtics
    Boston Red Sox
    Boston Sucks
    Brian Moorman
    BroneCast
    Bucky Gleason
    Buddy Nix
    Buffalo Bills
    Buffalo For Real
    Buffalo Sabres
    BuffaloWins
    Buffao Sabres
    Canada Sucks
    Carmelo Anthony
    Cats
    CFL
    Chan Gailey
    Chelsea FC
    Chelsea Licks Taint
    Chicago Blackhawks
    Chicago Cubs
    Chris Hairston
    Christian Ehrhoff
    Christmas
    Circling The Wagons
    Citi Field
    C.J. Spiller
    CK Anal
    Clint Dempsey
    Clownpenis.fart
    CM Punk
    Cody Hodgson
    Cody Mccormick
    Colin Kaepernick
    College Basketball
    College Football
    Cordy Glenn
    Craig Schaller
    CrapTastiCast
    Criminallyvu1ga
    Daft Punk
    Dallas Cowboys
    Daniel Briere
    Daniel Murphy
    Daniel Sturridge
    Dan Snyder
    Dan Wheldon
    Darcy Regier
    David Wright
    Dax McCarty
    Defensemen
    De La Soul
    Derek Roy Sucks
    Detroit Sucks
    DGWU Crew
    DGWU Legal Bureau
    Dick Jauron
    Dominik Hasek
    Donald Sterling
    Donald Trump
    Don Cherry
    Doug Flutie
    Doug Marrone
    Doug Whaley
    DRAFT GOOD!
    Drew Stafford
    Drugs
    Drunk
    E.J. Manuel
    El Greasico
    Emeritus My Balls
    Epic Fail
    Epic Meltdowns
    Epic Rants
    EPL
    Eric Wood
    Examples Of Awful Journalism
    Expats
    Faceless Internet Potshots
    FA Cup
    Fandom
    Fantasy Football
    F.C. Buffalo
    FJM
    Football
    Former Bills
    Former Knicks
    Former Sabres
    Fred Jackson
    Fred Wilpon
    Free Agency
    French Revolution
    Fuck ESPN
    Game Previews
    Game Recaps
    Gangs Are For Pussies
    Gary Bettman
    Gold Cup
    Golf
    Greg Roman
    Guest Contributors
    Hall Of Fame
    Happiness
    Hard Work
    Haterade
    High Character!
    Hillsborough
    Hockey
    Hockey Hall Of Fame
    Hulk Hogan
    Hungover
    IIHF World Championships
    Ike Davis
    Indignation
    Infinite Sadness
    Jack Eichel
    Jairus Byrd
    @jambrones
    James Dolan
    Jason Pominville
    Jeremy White
    Jerry Jones
    Jerry Sullivan
    Jhonas Enroth
    Jim Boeheim
    Jochen Hecht
    Joe Pinz1
    Johan Santana
    Johnny White
    John Scott
    Jon Vogl
    Jordan Leopold
    Jose Reyes
    Josh Beckett
    Jurgen Klopp
    Justin Rogers
    Kawika Mitchell
    Kelly's NYC
    Kelvin Sheppard
    Kevin Durant
    Kevin Youkilis
    Khal Drogo
    Kim Martin
    Kim Pegula
    King Kenny
    Kirk Nieuwenhuis
    Kobe Bryant
    Kraig Urbik
    Kyle Orton
    Kyle Williams
    L.A. Lakers
    Larry Quinn
    Lebron James
    Lee Evans
    Legumes On Your Penis
    Lenny Palumbo
    Leodis McKelvin
    LeSean McCoy
    Lindy Ruff
    Links
    Liveblog
    Liverpool FC
    Long Island
    Los Angeles Kings
    Luis Suarez
    Luke Adam
    Lunchpail
    Mailbag
    Manchester City
    Manchester Fc
    Manchester United
    Maple Leafs
    Marcell Dareus
    Marcus Easley
    Marcus Foligno
    Marcus Stroud
    Mario Williams
    Marshawn Lynch
    Martin Skrtel
    Marv Levy
    Matt Ellis
    Matthew Barnaby
    Matt Moulson
    McFadden's NYC
    Mean
    @Mechaphil
    Media Access
    Media Hit Jobs
    Megsie
    Memories
    Messi
    Metal
    Metallica
    Mets
    Miami Dolphins
    Miami Heat
    Michael Jasper
    Michael Jordan
    Michael Phelps
    Michael Vick
    Michael Vick Is A Fuck
    Mike D'Antoni
    Mike Grier
    Mike Harrington
    Mike Richards Is A Loser
    Mike Schopp
    Mikhail Grigorenko
    Miller
    MLB
    MLS
    Monday Night Football
    Mondee
    Montreal Canadiens
    Moon Bills
    Morality In Sport
    Motorsports
    Mouth Breathers
    Movie Trailers
    Moxy Früvous
    Murderers
    NASCAR
    Nathan Gerbe
    NBA
    Nba Draft
    Near Death Experiences
    Nerd Alert
    New England Patriots
    New Jersey Devils
    New York
    New York City
    New York Islanders
    New York Jets
    New York Knicks
    New York Mets
    New York Rangers
    New York Red Bulls
    New York Yankees
    NFL
    NFL Draft
    Nfl Free Agency
    Nfl Lockout
    NFLPA
    NHL
    Nhl Draft
    Nhl Free Agency
    Nhl Lockout
    NHL Playoffs
    Niagara Falls Reporter
    Nick Mendola
    No Limit Soldiers
    NSFW
    Nwo
    NYCBBB
    Nyc Sabre Summit
    Ny Red Bulls
    Oakland Raiders
    Occupy Nassau
    Offseason
    Oklahoma City Thunder
    Olympic Hockey
    Olympic Soccer
    #OneBuffalo
    Open Bar
    Optimism
    Overtime
    Ozzie Guillen
    Ozzy
    Parenthood
    Party Bus
    Pat Lafontaine
    Patrick Kaleta
    Patrick Kane
    Patriots
    Pat Williams
    Paul Gaustad
    Paul Hamilton
    Paul Posluszny
    Philadelphia Flyers
    Phillipe Coutinho
    Pink Elephant
    Pittsburgh Penguins
    Playoff Hockey
    Playoff Hunt 2011
    Playoffs
    Podacst
    Podcast
    Podcasts
    Post Game Reflections
    Post Game Reflections With The Yachtsman
    Post-Game Reflections With The Yachtsman
    Poz
    Pre Game Panicking
    Premiere League
    Premier League
    Premiership
    Press Conferences
    Pretentiousism
    Professional Wrestling
    Pro Football Hall Of Fame
    Pro Wrestling
    Pussies On Skates
    Qb Suckitude
    Rabbi Darkside
    Racing
    Racism
    Racist Assholes
    R.A. Dickey
    Ra Dickey
    Rafael Benitez
    Raffi Torres
    Rage Against The Machine
    Rage Storms
    Ralph Wilson Jr
    Ramblings
    Rants
    Rare Moments Of Lucidity
    Ray Lewis
    Realignment
    Recaps
    Rednecks
    Reggie Corner
    Rex Ryan
    Rian Lindell
    Roadcast
    Roadcasts
    Roadtrips
    Robert Goulet
    Rob Johnson
    Rob Ray
    Rob Van Dam
    Robyn Regehr
    Rochester Amercks
    Roger Goodell
    Ron Rolston
    Roscoe Parrish
    Running Diaries
    Russ Brandon
    Ryan Fitzpatrick
    Ryan Meanra
    Ryan Miller
    Ryan Nassib
    Sabres
    Sabres Alumni
    Sabres Crunk Mix
    Sabres Development Camp
    Sabre Summit
    Sadness
    Saint Bonaventure
    Sally Ride
    Sammy Watkins
    San Antonio Spurs
    Sanctimonious Shit Sandwich
    San Francisco 49ers
    Scizzette
    Scizz Gets Hard
    Scott Chandler
    September 11th
    Shady
    Shanabans7f1abf80bf
    Shaun Powell
    Shaving Buttholes
    Shawne Merriman
    Shawn Merriman
    Shit Sammies
    Sidney Crosby
    Signings
    Site Update
    Smarten Up
    Snowman Erections
    Soccer
    Spencer Johnson
    Standards Of Decency
    Stan Fischler
    Stanley Cup
    Starlin Castro
    Stephon Gilmore
    Steven Gerrard
    Steve Ott
    Stevie Johnson
    Stoke City FC
    Streetcast
    Strippers
    Subway Series
    Suck It Ref
    Summer Lovin
    Summer Movie
    Summer Movie Preview
    Summer Olympics
    Super Punters
    Super Troopers
    #SupportSally
    Swedes
    Swimming
    Syracuse Basketball
    Tailgating
    Tailgating At The Ralph
    Tank Carder
    Tanking
    Taro Tsujimoto
    Tashard Choice
    Tbn
    Team Captains
    Ted Black
    Ted Nolan
    Terrance Mcgee
    Terrance Williams
    Terrell Owens
    Terrence Mcgee
    Terry Collins
    Terry Pegula
    Thad Lewis
    Thanksgiving
    The Adventures Of Walter Garbinski
    The Apologist
    The Aud
    The Barrister
    The Beautiful Game
    The Big Lebowski
    The Buffalo News
    The Casted Foot
    The Cincinnati Bengals Are Criminals
    The City Of Buffalo
    The Commander
    The Continental
    The Dark Knight
    The Deeg
    The Defenseman
    The Grouch
    The Happy Endings Podcast
    The Hit
    The Hosers
    The Jambrones
    The Kids In The Hall
    The Kinsale
    The Legal Limit
    The Outlander
    The Patriots
    The Pink Elephant
    The Ralph
    The Rock
    The Ronin
    The Scizz
    The Scizzette
    The Undertaker
    The Wayans Brothers
    The Wild Card
    The Wire
    The Wizard
    The Yachtsman
    Thierry Henry
    Things That Matter More Than Sports
    Things That Piss Me Off
    Thomas Vanek
    Thrashers
    Tiger Woods
    Tim Connolly
    Tim Graham
    Tim Kennedy
    Tim Murray
    Tim Tebow
    Todd Collins
    Tom Brady
    Tom Golisano
    Tom The Cat
    Toronto
    Tottenham Hotspur
    Trade Rumor
    Trent Edwards
    True Colors
    Twitter
    Tyler Ennis
    Tyler Myers
    Tyler Thigpen
    Tyrod Taylor
    Ugly Models
    Undertaker
    Undrafted Free Agents
    USMNT
    USWNT
    Vacation
    Vajazzling
    Vancouver
    Vanilla Ice
    Video Games
    Ville Leino
    Vince Mcmahon
    Vincent Tan
    Vince Young
    Violence Is Not Funny
    Von Miller
    Vulgarity
    Wall Of Fame
    Warpath
    Washington Capitals
    Washington Redskins
    Waste Of A Post
    Watkins Glen
    WCW
    WECK 1230
    Weed
    Weezer
    Wembley
    West Wing
    WGR
    Where Are They Now?
    Wilco Sucks
    Winnipeg Jets
    World Cup
    Wrestlemania
    Wrestling
    Wtf
    Wu Tang Forever
    WWE
    Yankees
    You Can Play
    Your Mom

this site powered by the inane musings of raving lunatics