It has been too long!!
To recap last week: I did not watch the Bills/Texans game. Me 1, the rest of you 0. And my Question of the Week - "Is it more pathetic that I can't drive or that I can't do 8th grade math? What are the most pathetic traits/quirks/habits you find in women?" - was a source of tremendously #HOTTAKES. Apparently there is no such thing as "too pathetic to have men want to sleep with you," which is spectacular news for me.
Oh, and The Barrister, The Scizz, The Yachtsman, @JustinBassett and I TRIED to go to the Red Bulls game last Wednesday and were nor'eastered out. Shit was crazy. The next day, we managed to make it back to Red Bull Arena and it was exactly what you thought would happen to three Buffalo fans going to a playoff game. Look it up, I'm not about to rehash that shit show of a game. On the bright side, Barrister and I both independently made homeless people mixed drinks to get buzzed on the subway to Penn Station. Alcohol problem, or alcohol problem solved? You decide.
Then the Pats game happened, yawn, whatever, over it, but if you guys missed the Calgary v Saskatchewan CFL playoff showdown you Missed. It. All. I'm still not entirely sure what happened but god damn it there was a lot of yelling! Plus it's so fucking cold in Regina, everyone on the sidelines has to wear silly huge parkas when not playing. Not as silly as Belichick's hoodies, though, ew.
On to the mailbag!!
Excluding the obvious (Batman), sexiest superhero? -- @jdandeneau
I'm not really a superhero girl -- the underwear on the outside, creepy superhuman physiques, daddy issues/ childhood tragedy, supervillian drama, and strong moral code aren't typically my wheelhouses. However, Nick Fury is probably the sexiest according to the very short Wikipedia research I have done:
"Nick is an amateur boxer through the Police Athletic League where he also learns marksmanship. With his friend Red Hargrove, he eventually leaves the neighborhood to pursue his dreams of adventure, eventually settling on a daring wing walking and parachuting act. Their death-defying stunts while training British Commandos in 1940 catch the attention of Lieutenant Samuel "Happy Sam" Sawyer, then serving with the British Commandos, who enlists them for a special mission in the Netherlands. Nick and Red later join the U.S. Army, with Fury undergoing Basic Training under a Sergeant Bass. Nick and Red are stationed together at Schofield Barracks, Oahu, Hawaii when the Imperial Japanese Navy ambushes the base on December 7, 1941. Red is among the many killed in the attack on Pearl Harbor, with Fury swearing vengeance against both the Japanese and the Nazis."
Whoa, why isn't this a superhero movie staring Ryan Gosling like on the real. I'd watch that, and I give zero shits about that new Superman movie that's coming out soon. Sorry, nerds. Or, if pressed for a less wikipedia-inspired answer, I guess Professor X -- for his powers of manipulation plus James McAvoy played him in that one movie. Swoon.
No. But it's also not true that non sports fans are bad in bed. Besides, man, you literally run Ironmans and triatholans, and that's pretty fucking sporty, bitch. Are you saying you're bad in bed? Because if that's your problem, don't saddle the rest of us with your baggage.
Grad students however, different story. What is their problem? Maybe my sample size is too small but stop crying, bros. Not just liberal arts majors -- b-school, and law school too. Stress coupled with immaturity and adderall? I guess that makes sense now so never mind I guess.
First: Wow. Billy Talent. Canadian content laws were such a strange part of my childhood. I looked up where they would be touring, they have 2 dates in the United States, Buffalo and Detroit. That sounds about right, but even The Hip can pull more dates in the US. But, most surprisingly -- no dates in Canada? How does that even work? Personally, I wouldn't bother going, because I really don't feel good about the Bills, and Billy Talent's music (not to mention how much alcohol you'll drink that day) will probably turn into a ragestorm of grand proportions.
On second thought, definitely go, charge your phone so you can live tweet it, and remember you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
Excellent question! Feel no shame lady, all women are whores. And since all women are whores, recognize it and know the score; he obviously does and that's why he's taking you to games. Also he's probably as smitten with you and your rack and your accent as much as I am. These seats are just leveling the playing field with your total package. Do not feel guilty, and depending on how "pretty good" the sex is it might be worth keeping him on the "not quite way back" burner until next season rolls around.
Yes, if it weren't for Fantasy Football I wouldn't know loads of players league wide. Besides, the Bills are dogshit Fantasy prospect wise unless you have Fredex or CJ. I can't name a single player from Jacksonville (MJD? maybe?), St. Louis (they won superbowls in the 90s, shit), and Oakland (which I forgot was a city, not to mention a City with a football team) and I still consider myself a pretty alright football fan. Although I'll consider any woman a pretty alright football fan if they don't own "PINK" jerseys. You ladies are keeping us down
I half stole this question from @frackingsabres, but I was planning on asking it anyways. What are you guys doing for the holidays? I'll be home for Tgivz and Christmas. Let's get drunk together? Please and thanks bye.