This is my week 13 Buffalo Bills preview. It's not really a preview, rather, it's a rage and sadness storm. Also, it probably makes little to any sense. Meh.
If you are a fan of the Big Lebowski, then you will be familiar with the scene above. If you are a HUGE fan of the Big Lebowski, then you will be very familiar with the title of the post. You see, when Lebowski plays on cable, John Goodman's favorite line of "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!" is brilliantly translated to "This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!" Almost as good as the famous Scarface translation into "Where'd you get that beauty scar, tough guy? Eating pineapple?". But, I'll let you check that out for yourself.
What does this have to do with the Buffalo Bills? Well, when the Bills started this season, they were tough underdogs who worked hard, played harder, and seemed like they were ready to take on the world. They were Walter's original line. Since week 7, the Bills have become that weak direct to TV translation. They are plagued with constant injuries, show little to no heart (although I'll admit there was a couple sparks last week), and have powerful ability to look like a NAIA college football team.
My next Lebowski-themed point also relates to the GIF that open this post. The Buffalo Bills are that shiny new sports car that we were all excited about, but now lays beaten and bruised on the side of the road.
Originally, we thought we had a 2009 Jeep Liberty. Not an awful car, decent gas mileage, and you don't feel too bad driving it. All of a sudden, out of nowhere we traded it in for a brand new, bright red sports car. We were the talk of the town. People started to take notice and things seemed like they could not get better. And guess what? They didn't.
Within a few short weeks, Walter, or as he represents, three of the the most hated teams in Buffalo; the Miami Dolphins, New York Jets, and Dallas Cowboys, have smashed our brand new car into a pile of trash. Not beat up with a few scratches and dents, but absolutely demolished from fender to bumper. Now we are wishing that we had our Jeep Liberty back. Sure, it's not as nice as the sports car, but at least we knew what we had, and felt good that we were working our way up to that trade-in in a few years. Who knows, maybe they finish strong and go 8 - 8 or 9 - 7 like many people thought anyways, but at this point, it doesn't matter. My hopes were taken to new heights, and have come crashing down. HARD.
Worst analogy ever? Worst analogy ever.
If you read my twitter feed after last week's loss, you probably noticed the insane amount of hate bombs I was throwing at Stevie (which of course, he would have dropped if it was in the 4th quarter. Ooooh BURN!). Those insults have NOTHING to do with his TD celebration during the game. I could care less, even though I will say that they were totally unoriginal and "Why so serious" can do much better. What angers me beyond belief is this guy's inability to be the clutch receiver he should be. Stevie Johnson blew that game. That's it. Bottom line. Done deal. He had two catches IN HIS HANDS that would have been touchdowns, and another, although overthrown, that Calvin Johnson, Roddy White or even rookie A.J. Green would have pulled in.
It is his job to make those catches. If he wants number one receiver money, then play like a number one receiver for ALL FOUR QUARTERS! To a point, I'll accept the argument that the team would have not have even been in the game if it wasn't for his performance before that final drive, but in the end it doesn't matter. They lost. He dropped winning passes....again.
Some very dear friends of mine highly disagree with me, but I want to see Stevie Johnson take over an entire game and make that winning catch. Hell, this season it's usually been David Nelson or Fred Jackson making the clutch plays in the final five, not #13. I just want the guy to play to the ability he is capable of. Otherwise, the Bills will just being paying insane amounts of money to another guy who, when it really counts, disappears or literally drops the ball. I want this team to win, and I refuse to make excuses for players who aren't winning games. If Stevie pulls in 10 catches against Tennessee this week, great. But I'd rather have 3 catches, with one being in the back of the end zone while in double coverage to win the game. That's the guy I want Buffalo to pay big money too.
But after all, what choice does his team really have? For me to say NOT to sign Johnson is asinine. He has tons of talent, and face it, who else can this team go to? David Nelson, Roosevelt, and DoJo are sure as hell not ready to be a #1. Stevie Johnson is the guy. Let's just pray that he focuses less on unoriginal TD celebrations, and more on catching the clutch, big TD passes. I want another Andre Reed, not Lee Evans.
Anyways, that's all I got for this week. The team has emotionally drained me, and I'm not going to give them props on twitter for trying their hardest. Fuck that. Win a game with tough, hard nosed football, then I'll give you some love. Until then, I'm counting down the days until Christmas so I can watch the NBA, where emotion doesn't exist within the Scizz.