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Closing Arguments on the Premiership - Week 5

9/21/2011

The Barrister

Ugh, I got sick last night due to something I ate, have since resigned myself to taking the day off, and this past weekend my beloved Liverpool looked as if they had caught some sort of bug themselves. A bug that makes it appear as if they're stuck being controlled by an increasingly drunk and button-mashing Scizz in a game of FIFA. They were that fucking bad.

So, needless, I don't really feel like doing this today. I'll make up for it by putting together something on the Sabres later today, so long as my gastrointestinal tract decides to chill the fuck out, but until then, check out my possibly disinterested recaps of the footy action after the jump. Or, don't. You probably came here for Bills news/swearing diatribes anyway. Guess what? They're losing this weekend. We all need to accept that.

Oh, and @davekellynyc returns to provide his recap of the Liverpool/Tottenham match as well, though he appears to have written it after watching some weird Japanese porn. Seriously, dude, you may have problems.

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Wizard Beard & his Merry Band ' Miscreants, Week 3, Fancy Footy Stuff, MNF Sucks, & So Does Michael Vick.

9/19/2011

3 Comments

GODDAMMIT THAT IS ONE HANDSOME ARISTOCRAT.

The Yachtsman

ATTENTION: To the guy wearing the Harvard > Stanford Jersey @ McFadden's....I can't find your F'ing picture...send it to [email protected] and I will post it here because it is the single greatest jersey foul ever. Also, our podcast file was corrupted, so our live CrapTastiCast 15 won't be available. Which blows. I think it was because I poured a pitcher on the laptop after David Nelson scored.

THE WIZARD BEARD HAD A GREAT 2ND WEEK

Get the shit outta town. No I'm fucking serious. Your Bills just came back from a 21-3 half time deficit to come back and win the home opener with :14 left on the clock. THESE ARE THINGS THAT DO NOT HAPPEN TO TEAMS EMBLAZONED WITH A VARIATION OF THE BISON LOGO. This is the kind of shit that happens when you click to the four o'clock game: " (cue awful monotone) JOE BUCK HERE, IF YOU'RE JUST JOINING US FROM THE BUFFALO - (INSERT TEAM HERE) BLOWOUT, WE'VE GOT A NAILBITER BETWEEN TWO PERENNIAL POWERHOUSES, ONE FOR THE AGES HERE. SOMETHING SANCTIMONIOUS"

One of for the ages does not happen in Orchard Park. At least not in recent memory. LET US ENJOY THIS RIDE WHILE IT LASTS BECAUSE JOY IS FLEETING AND SADNESS DRIPS FROM THE WALLS OF RALPH WILSON STADIUM LIKE GYPSUM FROM THE MINES OF WHATEVER REGION IS HEAVILY DEPENDENT UPON GYPSUM MINING.

Is this picture racist? I feel like it's either Amish or racist.

The first half was fairly dismal for the Bills. Couldn't stop the run, corners were getting torched and gambling hard, and we got a little pass happy on the offensive side of the ball. I specifically remember screaming my "RUN THE BAAAAAAAALL" chant 247 times before the close of the 1st half. Still not sure what happened in the locker room, but the Bills did their best Tuffalo impression and the rest is Week 2 history.

Things I did not like:

- Leodis McKelvin had a tough day versus DeNarius Moore, as we all found out on that outlandish 50 yard bomb to put the Raiders ahead. All jokes aside though, that Moore kid looks like a baller.

- One day we will have a defense that successfully reads a screen pass. That day was not yesterday.

- They got a little pass happy in the first half, but then again it paid off as our offense turned into the '99 Rams in the 2nd. Although the rushing stats looked like receiving stats. Run the Ball? Or throw touchdowns. Either way.

- What happened to Shawne Merriman for long, dry spells out there yesterday? Is he injured? Meh, whatever we won.

Things I did like:

- Ryan Fitzpatrick's poise and leadership and every other quarterback cliche you can trove from thousands of lazy sportswriter Monday recaps over 100 years of organized football. Dude does a wonderful job at forward passing. 7 TDs through two weeks. Crazy pants.

- Running back controversy, Schmunning schmack schmontroversey (that was hard to write). Spiller had a nice day with 60+ in addition to Fast Frederick's monster day. Oakland D is not that bad either. 2nd Half Offense leads me to believe that we may be slightly (ONLY SLIGHTLY) for real.

- The fact that we won is something I really like. Especially marching down the field with less than 2 to go. Get the fuck outta here, David Nelson.

I google image'd "David Nelson" and found this picture of a David Nelson who enjoys lutes and mutton chops. It would have been an insult to our readers if I didn't post this picture.

WEEK 3, OR HOW TOM BRADY PUT US ALL BACK IN OUR COLLECTIVE PLACE WITH A STRONG, HANDSOME PIMP HAND

Best Bills early season since forever? Best Bills early season since forever. Enjoy it now, because old sweet cheeks is coming back to town on Sunday to make us all remember what happens when we don't put the lotion in the basket.

"I've come to crush your dreams and steal your women."

The Pats look like they're old 2006-2007 selves again, with Brady throwing video game touchdowns at will. He's 60 yards away from 1,000 yards passing and we haven't even had Week 2's Monday Night matchup yet. Get the shit out of my house. Also the Law Firm of Ben Jarvus Green Ellis looks like a dreadlocked downhill machine....which is exactly what the Patriots need...MORE WEAPONS (some times I feel like they run the ball just because they feel they feel obligated to run due to tradition). The tight ends had a combined 11 catches for 148 yards and 3 touchdowns. Also, Deion Branch's corpse caught 8 balls for 129 yards. And Wes Welker still collects a paycheck. Kill me now.

Moral of the story? Let's enjoy the shit out of this week, oversleep on Sunday, and reconvene next Tuesday pretending Week 3 never happened. I think we'll all be healthier for it.

ACTUAL FOOTBALL WHAT HAVE YOU

Normally I'd be all gung ho to drop some footy knowledge on you, what with the Champions League Group Play beginning, the MLS Playoff picture shaping up, and several high profile rivalry derbies throughout the big European club leagues, but 2 Liverpool players were sent off en route to a 0-4 loss to Tottenham this weekend, so I'm not in the fucking mood.

kick you in the face.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL IS THE WORST

For serious, it's Rams vs. Giants. This could be the worst game of the week, aside from Detroit vs. Kansas City. I'm shocked we're already at bad Monday Night Matchups in week 2! Hopefully the game will be competitive. I'm not sure how that will happen, because I feel that the two quarterbacks involved are products of years of southern white inbreeding (Eli is a dead behind the eyes mouthbreather and Sam Bradford is....well he's fucking crosseyed). Is Stephen Jackson able to walk yet? My fantasy teams are really eating it due to his loss (Mike Williams is not a viable wide receiver option, FYI).

MICHAEL VICK IS A SCUMBAG DOG MURDERER WHO IS NOW A CONCUSSED SCUMBAG DOG MURDERER

Does this make me happy? Ideally, no. Realistically, of fucking course.

It's a cultural thing though, Tony Dungy. No seriously, it is.

That's what they said in Europe in the '30s, you apologetic philistine.

I still hate you Michael Vick. I hope they throw batteries at the Ralph (HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT NO HE DID NOT THAT IS HORRIBLE FOR SHAME).

Fine, not batteries, but gross things that will cause you much dismay.

"this paper towel is your face, Vick!"

3 Comments

He is the Amish. Beware His Rifle.

9/18/2011

3 Comments

YOU GOTTA BILLIEVE. Yup. I went there.

The Barrister

Today was the kind of sports day that you can only dream of. I don't know many Bills fans who are overwhelming positive about the team's chances in closing out a close game, or coming from behind in the second half, and both of those scenarios happened today. But, today the Bills showed themselves to have just a little bit of magic - if not more - and will to win, and after the poise showed by Fitzpatrick, I think its fair to say that the Bills paradigm has shifted a little bit more. I think it's fair to say that the Amish Rifle might just be making a case that he is the truth and that there's no need to rush out and get a quarterback unless there's a supremely talented option that can be signed.. And, I think its fair to say that the gentlemen playing for this football team under Fitzpatrick's guidance are of a different stock that what we've come to expect and accept as fans.

They are not Champions, they are not playoff-bound, they are perhaps not even, in the end, good. But, you know what, they have the capacity of being GREAT. They've shown us "great" in the past two games - two different types of "great," but equally impressive and befuddling. Last week was dominance, top to bottom. And this week was resilience and patience.

And, the constant in both, without equal, is Ryan Fitzpatrick.

We just walked away from one of the greatest come-backs in Bills history - certainly the biggest since THE Comeback - and you have to be ignorant to all that surrounds you if you can't see Fitzy for what he really is, or at least can be from time to time: an ELITE NFL quarterback.

So long as Tony Romo, for instance, is considered elite (and maybe he isn't as much anymore), despite his moments of utter fail within every season and postseason, then you have to see that Fitzpatrick is approaching that. And so long as Fitz keeps doing it with a patchwork of talents within a largely unproven receiving corps, while other elite QBs are finding their success at the helm of an offense stacked with proven players, he must remain in the conversation.

As clutch as can be.

With the way he's playing right now, so long as you're talking only about what Fitz has done, and not what he might do, for this team, you simply cannot overstate how great this guy is playing. He has been that good.

This game was just another example of what Fitz can be, and has given us yet another memory to quietly convince us that this team's greatest success over the next few years are going to be with this Harvard guy who has won over the locker room and is now moving on to an entire region. Fitz was calm and poised, and displayed a stunning commitment to getting the ball where it needed to be (and, to be real, this is something sorely lacking in the last ten years of Bills' quarterbacks), He has turned himself into a field general with a great eye towards taking his troops into battle. With him at the helm, we have every reason to hope for a far-from typical script of Buffalo Bills football, and - God! - is this fun.

I'm sure that many will break this win down with respect to the several other positives, and I'm sure that some will choose to consider the most salient detail to be the fact that the Bills were down 18 at half. I'm not here to tell you that it doesn't make sense to shoulder Fred Jackson or David Nelson or Stevie Johnson with as much praise, or that it isn't smart to remain cautiously optimistic at best after the debacle that was the first half today. I get that we all need our own transition period to move from living with the expectation of disappointment to living with the confidence that we'll, at least, be given entertaining and competent football. What I can say, though, is that it's safe to say certain things about Fitz - things that recognize his actual greatness without over-promising on the greatness of his future.

Comforted by the win today, and the way they won today, I don't feel any reason to doubt that this team can beat any team in this league. Whether they do or not remains to be seen, but all we can do is cheer and allow ourselves a moment to believe. The Amish will take it from there.

Next week's New England. Let the week of speculation, hand-wringing and "Bill Belichick is a cheater" jokes begin.

Let's Go Buffalo.

3 Comments

Calmer Than You Are, Dude

9/16/2011

1 Comment

The Scizz

I guess this is our week two preview of the 2011 Buffalo Bills season, but I'm not sure how much of a real preview it is. If you want your typical pre-game rundown, you can go to forty other Bills sites to get all your links to the same articles and posts about injuries and all that other bullshit. I could care less.

First things first. Everybody needs to calm the fuck down. I was just as excited as anybody else to see the madness that occurred last week, and I'd be a damn liar if I said that it had no effect on my outlook this week, but the Bills are a team that is still a looooooong ways away from making a major impact. I'm not trying to be a purveyor of doom, in fact, I pray to God that I'm wrong and this team cruises to a 11 - 5 season and a wild card birth. But this is still the same exact team that the majority of knowledgeable fans were predicting to go anywhere from 5 - 11 to 8 - 8 only a week ago. This team still has major issues, so sit back, take a deep breath, and R-E-L-A-X.

Are they better than we thought they were? Fuck to the yes. Am I telling you not to enjoy the game Sunday and be feel hopeless? No sir. All I am saying is stop with all this "Chan is taking us to the promise land" Bullshit, or even better, let's lock up Fitzpatrick to a long term deal. I love Fitzy. He is a goddamn gunslinger. He has a beard that makes Brian Wilson jealous (not the beach boy, Mom). He has maybe the greatest nickname in the NFL, "The Amish Rifle". However, Fitz has been anything but consistent in his career. Take a look at his stats from last season.

									Passing									Rushing
Rk	G#	Date	Age	Tm		Opp	Result	GS	Cmp	Att	Cmp%	Yds	TD	Int	Rate	Y/A	AY/A	Att	Yds	Y/A	TD
1	3	2010-09-26	27-306	BUF	@	NWE	L 30-38	*	20	28	71.4%	247	2	2	92.4	8.82	7.04	3	18	6.00	0
2	4	2010-10-03	27-313	BUF		NYJ	L 14-38	*	12	27	44.4%	128	2	0	83.6	4.74	6.22	7	74	10.57	0
3	5	2010-10-10	27-320	BUF		JAX	L 26-36	*	20	30	66.7%	220	3	0	121.5	7.33	9.33	2	4	2.00	0
4	6	2010-10-24	27-334	BUF	@	BAL	L 34-37	*	29	43	67.4%	382	4	2	106.9	8.88	8.65	4	20	5.00	0
5	7	2010-10-31	27-341	BUF	@	KAN	L 10-13	*	24	48	50.0%	223	1	1	61.4	4.65	4.13	6	43	7.17	0
6	8	2010-11-07	27-348	BUF		CHI	L 19-22	*	31	51	60.8%	299	1	2	67.4	5.86	4.49	2	9	4.50	0
7	9	2010-11-14	27-355	BUF		DET	W 14-12	*	12	24	50.0%	146	1	0	83.0	6.08	6.92	1	-1	-1.00	0
8	10	2010-11-21	27-362	BUF	@	CIN	W 49-31	*	21	34	61.8%	316	4	2	107.0	9.29	9.00	1	11	11.00	0
9	11	2010-11-28	28-004	BUF		PIT	L 16-19	*	23	45	51.1%	265	1	1	67.4	5.89	5.33	2	4	2.00	0
10	12	2010-12-05	28-011	BUF	@	MIN	L 14-38	*	15	25	60.0%	158	1	1	75.1	6.32	5.32	4	5	1.25	0
11	13	2010-12-12	28-018	BUF		CLE	W 13-6	*	14	23	60.9%	142	1	0	93.0	6.17	7.04	4	49	12.25	0
12	14	2010-12-19	28-025	BUF	@	MIA	W 17-14	*	16	26	61.5%	223	2	1	98.7	8.58	8.38	3	19	6.33	0
13	15	2010-12-26	28-032	BUF		NWE	L 3-34	*	18	37	48.6%	251	0	3	37.1	6.78	3.14	1	14	14.00	0
		13 Games							255	441	57.8%	3000	23	15	81.8	6.80	6.32	40	269	6.73	0

Provided by Pro-Football-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 9/16/2011.

Take a look at week 3 and 4. Memorable games where Fitz looked like the man even despite the loss, right? Now look at week 5 and 6, where his numbers dip, and if you remember correctly, the offense was giving fans seizures of frustration with their inability to move the ball. Now remember back to the shellacking they gave Cincy in week 10. The following three weeks, Fitzpatrick was less than impressive. Sure, Buffalo almost won the Pittsburgh game, but the Amish Rifle also made some key mistakes that could have helped Buffalo avoid overtime, and thus the loss. Also keep in mind how awful he looked in week 15 against New England. Still has to face them twice this year.

My point, if not already painfully obvious, is that I think everyone needs to wait a few weeks before we start anointing this guy the next Jim Kelly. As fans, we jumped the gun with Flutie and Johnson. We jumped the gun with Bledsoe. And disgustingly, we jumped the gun with Trent Edwards. Let's all agree to just keep our feet on the ground for a few weeks before we go make some rash decision like trading Philip Rivers straight up for Fitzy in fantasy football, or maybe buying that $300 authentic game-day jersey from the Bills store. Baby steps people, baby steps.

This all brings me to my next point. IF this team continues to over-achieve and win big games, they are doing so IN SPITE of Ralph Wilson, not because of him. When he tries to take credit for any success this team might have this season, fans should drive to his office at One Bills Drive and collectively give him the finger....then drive home and mail him a box of human feces. Take a look at this gem he dropped on the Buffalo News yesterday:

"Buddy and Chan have done a fabulous job in identifying players that have been cut by other teams and working with them," he said. "They're doing a heckuva job. I'll tell you, we wouldn't be where we're at today if we had Buddy 10 years ago."

No shit, Ralph, you senile son-of-a-bitch. Maybe if you had any idea how a professional sports team is run we wouldn't be in this situation. GGGGRRRRRRRAAAAAARRRRR! Every time I read that quote I feel like smashing my head through a brick wall. I need scotch, hold on.......

Back. Now that I'm alcohol infused, I will try to get to the positive crap. After all, we are 1 - 0 and just got done beating a division winner 41 - 7. Not too shabby, and better than any realistic fan could have hoped for. Last week as the DGWU crew gathered in Yachtsman's man-cave, we watched in complete shock as this team looked like the real deal. On several occasions, captain naysayer himself repeated the lines "I don't like this. I'm not supposed to be this happy on Sundays".

The best thing to come out of the whole game was the sheer effort the entire team put forth. You could see how hard the team was playing on every down. That hasn't been present on a Bills team in years. Dicky J's lackadaisical attitude screwed this team up big time, but now they finally appear to be moving on. Marcell "Biggie Smalls" Dareus and Kyle "random white rapper name" Williams were pushing lineman all over the field, Freddie Jackson tore up the ground like a starting RB should, and the receiving corp, oooooooooh the receiving corp! Fuck Lee Evans. Stevie Johnson is a stud, plain and simple. That is one comment I will not hold back on after that win. Lock that that kid up now. David Nelson is a mini-stud. The 6'5" bad-ass made some fantastic catches and should easily fill my prediction of over 50 catches and 6 TD's. Finally, Scott Chandler is everything I have hoped and dream of since Pete Metzelaars left, and I'm begging for big things from the waiver wire pick-up. Again, not getting too excited. everybody remember Mark Campbell's big, three touchdown game?

This week's home opener should be interesting. Saying that Oakland is a much better team than Kansas City defensively is an understatement. Richard Seymour and Matt Shaughnessy are beasts off the line, and despite no Asomugha this season, veterans Chris Johnson and Michael Huff (if he plays) force QB's to take the secondary seriously.

On offense, Jason Campbell is nothing more than serviceable, but worse QB's have smoked our Bills before. It does help that top threat, Jacoby Ford is ruled out for the game. At least I think he is. I'm too lazy too check. The real problem will come from Darren McFadden and Michael BUSH BUSH BUSH! (Disclaimer: you will only get that last joke if you attended Binghamton University from 1999-2003. So that means maybe three of you) Both players could give the defense fits. Keep in mind that Buffalo's offense last week allowed their own defense to face mostly pass plays due to K.C. being so far behind. Depsite that, Jamaal Charles still gained 56 yards on 10 carries. 5.6 per carry from the Raiders duo would spell doom for Buffalo. Best to avoid it and let Chris Kelsay take one for the team on the first play from scrimmage, and take a knee shot on McFadden. I'm O.K. with it if you are. Actually, I'm O.K. with it no matter what you think.

I also asked the rest of the partners at DGWU for some pre-game comments. At the time I was ready to post, I only received a response from the Barrister. Surprise. The guy who has written our last three posts comes through again. Many similar, yet superiorly written thoughts follow:

"Scizz wants a pregame comment from the Barrister, huh? Jesus, dude, how lazy can you get? And if you cite work, I swear I will smack you right in that pretty face of yours.

Moving on, as I must, I think this Bills game will come down to whether the Raiders run defense can be contained or, more to the point, whether the Raiders actually stick with it enough to give a talent like McFadden a chance to get going. Maybe the Bills run D is actually worlds better, but we don't know, because KC basically abandoned it (though, when you're down 20 in the 2nd quarter, you kind of have a knife to your throat....or a tomahawk...fucking racist fucking team name...eat a dick Kansas. And you too, Missouri). Oakland's O-Line is much better than the Chiefs, and if they start running all over the Bills, this could be a shit-show of an afternoon. However, I think its pretty clear that the Bills offense is clicking in a big way, and I expect that it will be able to put enough points up on the board to give the team a chance to win. If those points go up early, the main test for the Raiders is going to be whether they stick with the running game enough to hurt the Bills, or whether they start relying on Jason Campbell's arm. If they choose the Campbell option, Bills win. If they choose the running option, we'll see what kind of impact Dareus and Barnett actually have on this team.

And finally, it should be noted that last time I went to McFadden's for a Bills game, I had seventeen beers and five plates of wings. I was 25 years old. Sunday is going to be an exploration in how badly I've aged. Can't wait."

Aw, he thinks I'm pretty! On to my prediction for this week: 14 beers, 4 shots, 2 lbs of wings, and a hangover at 9pm. I don't make football predictions, but I usually have a pretty good handle on how drunk I'll get. Which reminds me! On Sunday, the DGWU crew will be recording episode 15 of the CrapTastiCast from McFadden's Saloon on 42nd and 2nd in NYC. Matt Kabel of the NYC Bills backers is an old friend, and has been awesome in making this happen. Get ready for another on location podcast! If you live in the tri-state area, we fully expect you to stop by and say hello. Don't look Yachter in the eyes though. He will either bite, scream obscenities at you, or both. And definitely DO NOT mention if you are from Rochester. Bottles will be thrown.

The recording will start around 11am for pre-game and we will be staying after to watch the game, and perhaps get some fan reactions. We will be the old guys in the front of the bar staring awkwardly at younger women while getting aggressively intoxicated.

I leave you with one of my favorite Rap Groups of my college years, The Beatnuts. Enjoy the entire video, however skip to the 2:32 mark to see my man Greg Nice dancing the same exact way I fully expect the Barrister to be dancing by halftime. That right there would be worth the price of admission.

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The Fear of Loving Too Much

9/15/2011

4 Comments

The Barrister

What we remember from childhood we remember forever - permanent ghosts, stamped, inked, imprinted, eternally seen. ~ Cynthia Ozick

The past is never dead, it is not even past. ~ William Faulkner

There's truly something about the start of a Bills season like we've just had - or that we had with that 4-0 start a few years back - that is both terrifying and exciting. As cynical as we try to be, a badge of both honor and reason for Buffalo sports fans, a hot start has the capacity to act against our better judgment and urge us to daydream about the unanswered "what ifs" of the season yet to unfold. Long ago, I vowed to defer Bills merchandise purchases until the team was solidly entrenched in WNY for the future. While the dismantling of the Chiefs this past weekend didn't necessarily change that principled stance based in no small part on poverty, I am mighty close to buckling under the pressure. And, despite being hundreds of miles away from home and knowing that many of my fellow cynics may not be quite on board yet, I have the feeling I'm not alone.

Musing on topics of fandom and the devotion we all choose to give our sports teams, as I often do in moments when I find myself giddy with optimism, something occurred to me about where my strongest allegiances truly lie. After all these years of disappointment, after being treated so horrendously by an owner who has avoided investing in his franchise, it is clear that my need to see a Bills team win the Super Bowl is paramount. After seasons of disinterest, seasons where our Sabres rightly dominated my sports consciousness, one win - one blowout win - has shocked me back into focus.

I need these Bills to succeed. To undo the wrongs of my childhood and provide a set of memories which might replace those ones so engrained and scarred on the inner workings of my sports fan heart. And that need for Bills success, which presents itself in moments where I dare to dream and fall in love with this team yet again... it scares me.

The Bills are the team of my childhood, the team that left a generation of fledgling sports fans with a permanent void where a Super Bowl trophy - or four - should be. Like it or not, the Bills - and not the Sabres, despite the reasonable belief that they have a better shot at success - are the team that could, maybe, turn it around and fix that generation of shattered dreams. And that's the rub; that's what makes Buffalo a football town for me and so many who were raised on the disappointments of the early 90s - the scars of the past still sting, and there's only one solution...and it's, sadly, not victory in another sport, however much we all love that sport as well. While it's no secret that I have little faith in the guiding philosophies of the franchise, vis a vis Ralph Wilson, I do have growing faith in Chan and Buddy, and don't get me started on how I feel about Ryan Fitzpatrick. *I wish I could quit you, Amish Rifle.* So, despite the knowledge that I must seem like an utter ass for gushing so profusely after just one game, I can feel myself yearning for that return to dominance - or, at the very least, competitiveness - so that we can all eventually reach the top of the NFL and claim what's ours.

Some time ago, during CrapTastiCast #12, we were discussing whether Buffalo is "Football Town" or a "Hockey Town." The general consensus was that the Sabres are the constant in Buffalo sports, and deserve far more credit for giving Buffalo something to collectively rally behind - reasonably successful for the past 5 years, playoff appearances and, at least recently, a fan experience which makes Ralph & Co. look like absolute jokes Indeed, as we agreed, the Sabres are the team for the younger generation of sports fans who may have missed out on the emotional baggage left behind in the wake of four Super Bowl losses.

But, as Joe (from Buffalo Wins) quipped during that conversation, all it takes is a little bit of a run by the Bills and the rest of us - the ones who need those past wrongs to be resolved - all come crawling back. I didn't want to believe it at the time, but I can't disregard its obvious truth as applied to me as I look ahead to just the second week of the Bills season. Having come to accept that I enjoy hockey much more than football, and having no real desire to support the perennially failing and flailing organization at One Bills Drive, the better part of me would prefer to invest my time and energy into the Sabres. Indeed, as I was musing on these issues of fandom, I made the conscious decision to try to hash out some thoughts on the Sabres - Tyler Myers signed (and what a deal it is!!) and prospects tearing it up at Traverse City. But, as much as I try, these hockey topics remain on the proverbial back burner, and honestly may remain there so long as there's a Buffalo Bills season which remains viable.

The logical side of my brain wishes it wasn't like this. I want to talk about the Big Easy and his good value at the contract terms being bandied about the interwebs today. I want to talk about how the T Pegs Revolution at Seymour Knox Plaza is paying huge dividends for Sabres fans. And, more to the point, I want to put my invest myself emotionally in the new-look Sabres and their quest for a Stanley Cup since, after all, it will likely come sooner than the Bills' elusive Lombardi Trophy. I want all of these things, and I'm as happy as the next guy that the Sabres franchise is taking significant steps towards making those things real.

But I want a Super Bowl more. I need it.

I'm not so clueless to ignore the silliness and likely stupidity of being so lifted by optimism that I disregard the likelihood that this season, like all others, will be nothing more than a build-up to a let down, with the only unknown being how long that build-up lasts. I get that, as with every other year of recent memory, it makes a lot more sense to vest my faith in our Sabres and to ignore our Bills. With past experiences and failures as our guide, the elation of hope for the Bills is rarely an untainted source of joy. That feeling of hope in such a team as the Bills, with such a history, more often that not feels like you're sinking deeper into quicksand, always ready for the other shoe to drop.

This is why, looking ahead to the weekend and trying to get a handle on the matchup with the Raiders, I feel little else other than fear at which might come to pass this weekend. Not fear of loss, though, but fear of victory and that burdensome hope that comes along with it. The fear of being hurt by this team once again after allowing myself to love them too much.

As if fear is going to stop me, though. Eff that. I'm a Bills fan. I thrive in neuroses.

Let's go Buffalo.

[Disclaimer, nunc pro tunc: This post will likely appear to some as a self-indulgent ramble of mixed metaphors, mostly for my own benefit. I'm perfectly happy with that characterization and rather agree with it. But, seeing as I don't keep a diary in which I can unload emotional baggage, and seeing as I have the inkling that these thoughts may ring true with some of my Buffalo brethren, I just couldn't help myself. Such as it is, I hope at least some of you enjoyed.]

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Closing Arguments on The Premiership - Week 4 Edition

9/14/2011

0 Comments

The Barrister

It feels weird even caring about the EPL after the weekend Bills fans have had, particularly when things didn't go as planned for my Reds on Saturday...more on that below. However, even if my heart and mind aren't completely devoted to the idea of recapping a quasi-forgettable weekend of Premier League football, I remain devoted to the fledgling series I've started here.

Besides, this week, I have help! Along for the ride, in what I hope will be a consistent fashion - depending, in no small way, on the whims of his dear wife - is our good friend Dave (@davekellynyc on the twitter), who fits in here at DGWU Sports as a fellow Buffalo expat, Bills & Sabres fan, and - though, we forgive him for it - a fan of the Tottenham Hotspurs. While his footy allegiances are to be questioned, particularly when they involve the heroin capital of the UK, his street cred as a tried and true fan of the Beautiful game is unassailable. And, since I can't very well be expected to pay attention to Spurs games every weekend - after all, I have my own dear wife to think about - I figured it made quite a bit of sense to give Dave the soapbox every week here in Closing Arguments so you readers can get a good sense of what's happening with the Totties.

[Note: DGWU will also have some football coverage later this week from the Yachtsman, who prefers complete editorial control over his content, meaning he will post on his own. (read: he will make vague and brief references to the EPL while recapping his trip to Yankee Stadium for Metallica tonight). Though, assuming he does pull through with some gems for you dear reader(s), he will likely be dropping knowledge on the Liverpool match, which we watched together, as well as thoughts on QPR/NUFC & the admittedly non-premiership goings-on in the Champions League.]

So, assuming you want to take this trip on the SS Disaster, click through after the jump for a smattering of recaps from another exciting weekend in the Premiership.

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DGWU Fantasy Recap - Week 1

9/13/2011

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Drawing inspiration from the greats...

The Barrister

[DISCLAIMER: If you're still looking for a Bills recap, it's STILL forthcoming. After the Yachtsman unveiled the inner-workings of his "I've got a boner for NYC" soul, reports are that he fell into a brief coma, comforted only by dreams of drinking craft beer while watching a pack of dogs in Knicks jerseys rape Al Qaeda operatives. In deference to Yachter and the, I'm sure, genius things he has to say about the Bills game and the shit-show that invaded his Brooklyn garden apartment, I'll be dipping into the meaningless side of football...]

This will typically be something handled by the Scizz, or really any of us - whoever feels best about their team, likely. Either way, we figured it might be fun to, on a weekly basis, share some goings-on from our Fantasy Football League "Tri-State Plus."

By way of background, it should be noted that this league has been around for several years now, and I am only just getting in the party. A two-player keeper league, this year's draft included two expansion teams, including mine.

The Scizz, at the helm of Hoboken Hurricanes, elected to keep Philip Rivers and Matt Forte, both of whom had solid first games en route to Scizzer's Week 1 win. The Scizz also had great performances from Jay Cutler and Kenny Britt (did not see that one coming), making the ultimate result a foregone conclusion.

The Yachtsman, leading Weir's Mom's Panties (yup...that happened), elected to keep Matt Schaub and Steven Jackson as his keepers. He had a tougher time of it this week - mostly because of SJ's hamstring-shortened Sunday - but still eked out a victory on the back of Wes "Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another" Welker and his 36 points. Dear Lord, the Patriots are scary.

The Apologist and his Yancey's Fancy (dumbest name ever), seemingly stuck with the only two Pats (Ochocinco and Danny Woodhead) who didn't benefit from Tom Brady's career day, suffered a Week 1 Loss. Don't count Aps out, though, as his lineup - including his keepers Andre Johnson and Josh Freeman, as well as LeSean McCoy and the surprisingly productive Rex "Sexy Rexy" Grossman - will be sure to put him in contention for the playoffs.

And speaking of Tom Brady...hooray for me and the recently renamed Bachmann's Cervix!! (formerly named as an inappropriate jab at a DGWU member's mom...who may read this site for all I know). As an expansion team blessed with the first pick, I was essentially forced into taking Brady or else risk there being no stud QBs on the board by the time my second and third round picks came around. Going against every fiber of my ever-loyal-to-the-Bills being, Brady is now leading me to greatness, and my Week 1 win - built on the backs of great outings from Steve Smith and Dez Bryant - has placed me atop the league standings. I feel like a dirty whore.

So, all of the crew gets a win except Apologist, which seems fair considering he was probably watching X-Files and/or the Red Shoe Diaries and/or anything involving David Duchovny during our draft. Next week, the DGWU Crew avoids any head-to-head within the crew match-ups, so we're still a ways off from any substantial trash talk appearing here on the site. However, it does bear mentioning that Bachmann's Cervix will be meeting Crippling Back Pain.

If only...

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Still The One Pool Where I'd Happily Drown.

9/11/2011

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The Yachtsman

DISCLAIMER: If you're looking for a Bills Recap, that will be forthcoming. Right now I have to get this off my chest. Cheers.

"Jesus baby, you're a mess. Relax."

40 Minutes before Sunday's kickoff, the girlfriend had to tell me those reassuring words as I stood sobbing in our living room over a State Farm 9/11 commercial. The commercial showed a firehouse I know personally, and I completely lost my composure and started bawling. Not the quiet, manly, distinguished red-eyes behind the sunglasses quiet emotion of a funeral, but the mouth opened drooling wail of a bereaved seagull. I actually shook. I haven't cried like that since I was a child (I learned quickly that crying was not a virtue of the men of my family and have attempted to carry the banner ever since).

Is it unfortunate that it took a commercial from a giant insurance corporation forced me to lay my psyche bare and examine all of my emotions related to 9/11 and being a New Yorker and one of the first members of the "9/11 Generation"? Probably. Do I give a shit? Not a chance.

New York needs a fucking hug. Today was emotional, but throughout the day there was still that tinge of "Amorica" that I sort of hate about these memorials. Sometimes the fact that this was as much an attack on New York as it was an attack on America gets a little bit muddled. In an effort to steer the ship a little eastwardly, I'm going to give you this little ode to New York.

- I love that on any given day, I have absolutely no fucking clue what I'm going to encounter in the city. 8 million people packed into what increasingly seems like a space slightly larger than a football field has its massively interesting turns.

- I love that if I take a cab on a Sunday morning at 4:30 AM to get home after a night of "socializing", I can hit a traffic snag an hour long and fall asleep and its light out by the time the cabbie boots me from the back.

- I love that a homeless dude asked "Excuse me?!" in a very put-off tone the other day as I stared in horror as he relieved himself in the stairwell of our tony Brooklyn neighborhood Subway station....at 7:45 AM on a Tuesday. "I'm sorry sir, didn't mean to intrude on your morning routine".

- I love that a $1.50 cup of burnt grote-ass deli coffee (clearly laced with crack) will cure a hangover far better than any $5.50 tutti con latte punto pazzo what have you from Seattle will.

- I also love that if I am in a particularly twee mood, I can go to a coffee shop that sells a $15 cup of coffee made from beans harvested from bat poop. Because apparently that is a delicacy.

- I love that if the lady and I wake up on a Saturday and decide to go to a Museum, we can go to the MoMA, the Whitney, the Museum of Natural History, or the Brooklyn Museum, or any of the countless awesome museums in the 5 boroughs. I always pick the Natural History Museum because I am 8 and still love Dinosaurs. And GI Joes.

- I love that for whatever sport I want to watch, there's a bar for that. Including but not limited to Sabres Hockey, Liverpool Soccer, and oddly enough, Cricket. (I don't watch Cricket because I can't count that high)

- I love that I used to hate bike lanes but now desperately cling onto them now that I have a bike.

- I love that I can live, work, play, grow, strive, and succeed in the world's biggest craft beer market. Because there's a GD craft beer bar every 10 steps here.

- I love that I can run a blog about my hometown with 2 guys I met here and the Apologist. And by "blog" I mean literary used toilet paper.

- I love that I hated Brooklyn and now live in it and love it. Although I still hate hipsters. Sweet Mother Christ I hate hipsters. "You look like you stepped out of a shaving chair timewarp from 1853 what the fuck is wrong with you?!?!" - Marc Meron

- I love that I can be told 11 times during a 12 minute subway ride by a computer to keep my belongings with me at all times. If the train decides it will go express for the next 7 stops so I'll be late for work, I have to discern the garbled human-speakers heavily accented shouts to receive pertinent information. And she/he only ever shouts/mumbles once.

- I love Central Park and the ridiculousness of maintaining a park on a TRILLION DOLLARS worth of real estate. That's Trillion with a T.

- I love that there's a "guy" for everything, and if you don't know a guy, your friend does, and he can hook you up.

- I love that "random bag searches" double as an excuse for young cops to talk to girls on 14th Street.

- I love that I pay a fairly exorbitant amount of money to live in a small apartment next to a canal that recently tested positive for Chlamydia. YES. THE WHOLE CANAL.

- I love that a subway station can be closed for literally half a decade and then all of a sudden just reopen like nothing happened. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE CORTLANDT STREET!?! I LOOK FORWARD TO BEING IN YOU.

- I love that I cracked the code of where all of our recycled cans go: the brigade of Asian bottle ladies who patrol the streets with shopping carts every morning throughout the 5 boroughs. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT NEW YORKERS. FEAR THEM FOR THEY ARE WELL ORGANIZED AND EFFICIENT AND ARE GOOD AT SCOWLING.

I could keep going on like this but I won't. This was but a small smattering of why I love this city. I re-lived that shyte day about 9 times over the past 24 hours, and finally realized (with the help of the lady), that it's not worth it to sit around and lament all day. Instead, the best way to honor the memory is to celebrate the present.

New York, I love you. You don't bring me down.

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LET'S DO THIS.

9/11/2011

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The Barrister

The waiting game is over, the beers are chilled and ready to be in our bellies, and our Buffalo Bills are ready to kickoff another season. We aren't delusional - we know what this team likely is and isn't (answers: "not very good" and "playoff bound"), but they are OURS. For better or worse, they are the team we love year after year, and today we can dare to imagine a series of weeks between now and New Years - a series of weeks which make us beam with pride for our team and our City; a series of weeks which make all of the talking heads at ESPN and WGR, and even DGWU Sports, eat some serious crow. And, with friends and family at our sides as we enter this struggle between good sense and foolish dreams, we know one thing for certain: it will be FUN.

God, I love this.

So, as the first kickoff soars (inevitably to the endzone for a touchback...fucking NFL), take a moment to enjoy it and ask yourselves - "Where else would you rather be, than right here, right now?"

Let's Go Buffalo. Let's Go Bills.

Follow me on Twitter.

And catch the whole DGWU Sports Crew.

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Ready Or Not, Here They Come.

9/9/2011

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The Scizz

Ah yes! You smell that in the air? That is the faint glimmer of optimism that secretes from the pores of DGWU every September. True, we bitched and moan all summer about the franchise, specifically our inept front office and our senile, Foghorn Leghorn owner, but that is all chicken wing grease under the frier, baby! We are just a few short days away from the return of our beloved Buffalo Bills!

The football excitement has hit all of us here at DGWU. The Barrister is fired up to actually watch all of each game this year after missing most of the second halves due to "prior commitments", which I can only assume has something to do with a Turkish bathhouse. The Apologist has recently posted thoughts on these final days to kick-off, in which the love of football starts running into your veins and fighting it only makes you want it more. And of course that soccer-loving dingleberry, the Yachtsman, is even hosting the DGWU crew on Sunday with his newly acquired NFL Sunday Ticket. He may deny it, but I brought up some young Buffalo players this past weekend and I saw his eyes light up. As cynical as all of us are, we still LOVE this team. Everything I wrote here still rings true, though as I mentioned in that post, I will still cheer for this team to the bitter end. I may not get as angry when they lose as I use to, and I may not "freak out" if I can't find a certain item of Bills clothing before game-time, but I sure as hell know that when that first kick-off flies through the air, I will be a screaming idiot hoping for a 16-0 season. Which reminds me, go fuck yourself WGR.

Now I can move on to my very brief and totally unorthodox Buffalo Bills preview. I am not going to call it a "season preview" because that would be unfair to all the great blogs that did fantastic season previews, and I am not going to call it a "game preview" because the only game-specific item that is truly newsworthy is Matt Cassel's banged up ribs. Therefore, these are just a few ridiculous tidbits I would like to see come true this 2011 season for the Buffalo Bills In particular order:

1. Marcell Dareus needs his nickname changed to "Biggie Smalls". It may possibly be because I started work back in Brooklyn this week. It could also be that three straight Biggie songs came on my iPod during a run last night while getting a high five from someone who saw my Bills hat. But, really it is because the guy is HUGE but still moves with the agility of a smaller guy, say a free safety or Aaron Maybin circa 2007. I like his current nickname, "Crimson Elephant". It is a cool handle that suits Dareus just fine. But imagine you are sitting in the Ralph, and every time he records a sack or makes a big play, this comes on the JumboTron:

YES! I'm picturing the crowd singing along to "Biggie, Biggie, Biggie, can't you see" right now. I love it and this needs to happen. I'm making a phone call. I'm awesome.

2. Marcus Easley, Donald Jones, or David Nelson blow up for at least 50 catches and 6 TD's. This one has potential, so stop laughing and here me out. Last year NOBODY expected Stevie Johnson to blow up like he did, and contrary to the idea that Lee Evans getting double teamed is what freed him up, go back and watch the second half of the year when Evans was either hurt or being covered by the opposing team's nickel back the entire game. Johnson has made himself a legitimate threat to other defenses, and who's to say that teams won't double team the shit out of him this season. Open door for one of the young fellas above. I'm not sure which one will be the break out star, but don't be surprised when one of them becomes a great fantasy football pick-up.

I should also mention that with the Amish Rifle throwing the ball, ANYBODY could see their numbers shoot up. Love him or hate him, Fitzy is the new Sexy Rexy. "Fuck it, I'm throwing long".

3. Terrence McGee will have a bounce back year and reestablish himself as the team's top corner. Crazier things have happened, and with all the off-season chatter about his nagging injuries and rising age, I could see him running wild this year. Chances are slim, but I have always like McGee and I would love to see him return to old form. Speaking of old form....

4. The Bills sign free agent Pat Williams to back-up Kyle Williams the rest of the year. That is all. And yes, you can insert your own Ted Washington joke here.

5. Finally, I pray that C.J. Spiller does something for this squad. Outside of week 3 against New England, Spiller was non-existent. If this organization truly wants me to believe in Buddy Nix and Chan Gailey, then last year's first round pick needs to be bust-free. After Buffalo traded my boy Marshawn (by the way, that chick deserved it, she wasn't watching where she was going), I was pretty upset, but if anyone can make me forget about him, then it's C.J. The kid has talent and is ridiculously explosive, it all comes down to how you use it. Let's pray he is more Chris Johnson, and less Rashaan Salaam.

Enjoy the game on Sunday everybody. The DGWU crew is heading to the Yachtsman's man-cave in Brooklyn as I attempt to speed home from Happy Valley Sunday morning after PSU-Bama. If you are new to NYC and have no place to watch, head to McFadden's on 42nd and 2nd to enjoy one of the reasons I stayed a "New" New Yorker. Look for a really tall guy named Matt and tell him the Scizz sent ya. Oh...and get really drunk and make bad decisions too. That's usually the best part. HEY HEY HEY HEY!!!!! LET'S GO BUFFALO!!!