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“You can call me Susan if it makes you happy” - Your Week 7 Bills Preview - Bills "at" Jaguars

10/23/2015

The Scizz

Greetings and Salutations Berls fans! After a three week hiatus from the Bills previews I have returned more confused than ever! What is this team? To me right now, they seem like another 8 – 8 team that will show a glimmer of hope here and there, juuuuuuuust enough to keep us invested, yet ultimately breaking our hearts. Same old song.
It’s been an early season of “What If’s?” all around. What if Buffalo had all their weapons like Sammy, Shady, and Los Williams for every game? What if Tyrod was able to go last week? What if the offensive line could learn how to play football? What if defensive “genius” Rex Ryan sent his front four to destroy the QB more often? (Which any human with even a minuscule knowledge of football knows should be happening by the way.) Hell, what if Fred Jackson was never relea….GOTCHA!

What this all leads back to is that the one game I was the most confident about winning this season, now seems like it has the potential of a disappointment akin to last year’s loss to the Raiders. How has this happened? I have no real answers, but what I can say is that I don’t give a fuck how they do it, but they need to win Sunday morning in London. Maybe they need to sign Bullet Tooth Tony to start shooting players in the knee caps during warm ups. I’m just spit balling here.

"I'm the warrior chief. I'm the merciless god of anything that stirs in my universe. You fuck with me, and you will suffer my wrath." - A Week 3 Recap - Bills at Dolphins

9/27/2015

John Shale, Bills backup fullback and munitions expert

The Barrister

UPDATE: We recorded a carcast en route to the bar to watch the game and Scizz just sent me the audio file from his phone so here it is! Bonus points for listeners who can decipher what's playing on my car radio at any given moment.

That was a fucking splendid afternoon of Buffalo Bills football we got yesterday. Unfuckingreal.

With a season as short as that of the NFL, generally a full week between games, every outing becomes a narrative-guiding metric even if we know it shouldn’t be. We should be able to relax and remain patient while we wait for a more reasonable sample size to come in for evaluation; we should be able to wait to see just how successful our particular squad is and, perhaps even more crucially, how good or awful the opponent really is, before putting much stock into any one week’s result. The Week 1 win against the Colts seems a little less impressive given how poor they’ve looked since; last week’s loss to the Patriots looks a little more forgivable now that we’ve seen another week wherein they dismantled their opposition (albeit to the most dismantle-able team in the league); and now yesterday’s win, well, it is both heartening and devoid of meaning given how good the Bills looked and how bad the Dolphins have been in their three games.

So, what to make of it? The sample size went up a game, the Rex Ryan-led Bills showed us something new by bouncing back from a brutal day and parlaying their fourth quarter would-be heroics into a massively dominant afternoon against a division rival, and the Dolphins are a dog shit football team that most halfway decent teams should be able to beat. So the Bills are at least halfway decent. Maybe even pretty good since they won by thirty. Maybe stacked with enough talent both on the field and on the sidelines that they can make a true run at a Wild Card. Predictions are dumb in this sport, we’re still talking about less than a quarter of the season in terms of available data, and I’m most certainly wrong due to any combination of the following factors:

Any predictions are entirely unable to account for the dumbfuckery of the NFL and its dumbfuck rules and the dumbfuck officials that enforce the aforementioned dumbfuck rules in a way that makes me wonder about the meaning of life and my impending death;
#becauseitsbuffalo we will revert to the mean of sadness in substantial measure;
The Patriots are developing a plan to thieve the DNA of Buffalo’s skill players and replace it with the genetic code of the morning show guys on WEEI;
Tim Graham is bound to snap and murder me or someone I love someday, which is I suppose only sad for me, but fuck you for bringing that up;
Paul Hamilton is going to give the team swine flu;
The GOP’s insistence on banning stem cell research has stymied UB’s research into curing the Losing Disease, sucks to be us; or
Carl Paladino is Buffalo’s version of Adrian Veidt (Watchmen references two weeks in a row, deal with it, chump ass motherfuckers), which means he is (a) creepy as hell with an ugly face, (b) a fucking idiot, and (c) going to send a massive [REDACTED FOR SPOILERS) to [REDACTED FOR SPOILERS] us all.

But seriously, it looks like they’re going to be a good football team and bring us all the happiness we’ve so desperately craved because life always works out and I'm sleep-deprived and a little baked out so really I'm bound to believe anything right now. There's no way (read: every way) this can end badly!

Onto the recap!

"Hold on to your butts" - Your Week 3 Bills Preview. Buffalo at Miami.

9/26/2015

The Scizz

First off, I’ve avoided much of twitter and football all week, so this week will be a very abbreviated version of my preview. But Speedz and Greasico will be dropping their weekly knowledge as is. Now back to the Bills….

Last week sucked. There is no other way around it. The team and fans have now been forced back down to Earth, as Brady has torn apart our heart and souls once again. Part of me is beyond disappointed, but the other part is just happy its over and looking to see what happens this week. If anything, how they play Sunday against the Phins will be a great show of what to really expect from here on out, especially after the Jets dismantling of the Colts. So hold onto your butts and let’s take this ride together.

“Do you ever have déjà vu, Mrs. Lancaster?” - Your Week 2 Bills Preview. New England at Buffalo

9/18/2015

The Scizz

Well that was unexpected. I mean of course I picked Buffalo to win last week, and of course this year has felt very different with all the changes to the organization, but a dismantling one of the top teams in the AFC never seemed plausible to me. Wow. Just wow.

But haven’t we been here before? As Barrister pointed out in his recap earlier this week, every year the Bills start with a big win we get excited. 2011 and 2014 all started out the same way. Hell, even 2013’s opening loss at home gave some of us hope. So is this year truly different? Is this the year the Bills get over the hump and make the playoffs? Or will I be writing this same week two opener next year (the answer to that is no as I’ll be sick of writing these previews by week 5, phoning it in until week 8, and then finally just deleting the Barrister’s number from my phone altogether).

The best part is that this week we can at least sit back and take in an easy win at home against the….wait what’s that? The Bills play who? MOTHERFUCKER!

Of course it has to be the Pats. Here to crush my dreams and inch me closer and closer to actually stalking Tom Brady and attacking him with a rusty butter knife.

BUT THEN AGAIN, maybe this is a blessing? The Bills off a huge win get Tom Brady and the Pats in week two, nice and early in the season to see what this team is really made of. If they win, we can all stay hopeful, if they lose (or in most Bills/Pats scenarios lose BAD), we can all come back down to Earth a little and realize there is still a ways to go. Either way the hype is real and I can’t wait for it to be Sunday. Here we go……

"There's No Place Like Home" - Your Week 1 Bills Preview. Indianapolis at Buffalo

9/11/2015

Stay Calm readers! Your eyes do not deceive you!

FINALLY, The Scizz has COME BACK to DGWU Sports!

That’s right, your not so favorite, foul mouthed asshat of an internet troll has returned to do the 2015 Buffalo Bills game previews. Why you may ask? Well several reasons actually. First of all, the Bills offseason has just simply been too momentous for me not to get involved in the upcoming season. Sure, it could all burn down in a giant tragedy the likes of which nobody has seen since the stupid ass hick Bass Pro Shop fell through on the waterfront, but HEY, we got Rex, and Sammy, and TyGod, and the D-Line, and Shady, and Percy, and AND SOME GUY NAMED MATTHEW MULLIGAN! Get excited.

Second of all, the Barrister has been begging me to write something for over a year now and I like to make my little buddy happy (full disclosure he is larger than me and could crush me Of Mice and Men Style). So here I am Barrister, writing a flaming pile of crap on a shitty work laptop. You asked for it.

And finally, dare I say I miss it a little. Twitter and the blogosphere can really become exhausting, but in small doses I’ve been much better at handling the ins and outs of miserable pricks who complain about everything, fat assholes who always think they know more than you, and political jibber jabber that makes my eyes bleed. Also, I just used the term “jibber jabber”.

This year instead of picking one movie to use a quote for the title of each week’s preview, I’m going to ask twitter which one to use and take the best one. Try to keep it on theme week to week you creeps.

So let’s get started, shall we?

Back for another installment of Happy Endings with Barrister and Scizz! The fifth one, in fact.

8/2/2015

Y'all, we recorded this four nights ago but then a whole hit load of life happened and fuck you for asking. But seriously. Work, a mass of yard work, summer hangouts and loads of Lagunitas chased by spliffs. Here we are.

It's the offseason of most things we talked about so nothing is all that out-of-date apart from some baseball talk - the Mets swept those Nationals shut the front door. Delightful. Life filled with delight.

Podcast featuring rants about Russ Brandon, Tom Brady, born-again Bills fans, Uber-less Buffalo, our plans for Week 1 tailgates and a few other things that I can't remember since I haven't actually listened to this and just hastily tossed in some musical selections without worrying about the propriety of taking on American Methodists, among others.

Good to be back, kids.

Music by way of Bleachers, Oddisee, Fitz and the Tantrums, and Priory.

Download here or here. RSS here. iTunes below and a streaming boxey box below that. Old podcasts, and there are a bunch of them, available at deargodwhyussports.libsyn.com or the Deeg Podcast Industries tab at the top banner. Gooey gooey aural goodness.

Go Bills.

Happy Endings with Barrister and Scizz! - Episode 4

1/11/2015

The lovable idiots are back talking about the Bills coaching situation (recorded before the more recent Rex Ryan reports have been coming out), and then some other stuff like movies and music and karaoke and Sondheim musicals.

Musical interludes by way of Bleachers, Soundgarden, The Griswolds (no not those Griswolds), and Jackson 5.

Download here or here, RSS feed here, iTunes button below, or stream in the player.

Happy Endings with Barrister and Scizz - Episode 3

12/14/2014

Hey, we're back! We predictably got too busy and left a huge whole between episode releases, and did so within the first month of this podcast's young life. Solid work from your favorite Buffalo expat sports internet reality show stars.

We get buzzed on Little Sumpin Ale and our own egos as we talk some serious nonsense about our Bills and Sabres, enormous tangential discussions of television, porn video mosaics of historical figures, and our mutual loathing for an HBO personality who is neither smart nor funny, but is too conceited to notice.

Music by way of Bleachers, Nas, Smallpools and Jackie Fucking Wilson.

Download here, stream below, RSS here, iTunes button below. All of our podcasts available on iTunes and the tab on the top header here. Fuck yo couch.

Happy Endings with Barrister and Scizz! - Episode 2

10/25/2014

Hey we did it! We kept to our promise to find an hour to talk this week and record that talking and make jokes and shit!

Barrister talks about his new job, Scizz talks about running, and the two bemoan idiot Doug Marrone, the weird status of the Sabres and some other stuff and other things that make them laugh.

Subscribe to the DGWU Sports CrapTastiCast on iTunes and be sure to download Episode 3! We promise to try to get it out earlier in the week next time.

Download here or here. RSS feed here. iTunes below. Stream below. Pick your poison. No complaints if your ears burn from the temperature of takes contained therein.

The Deeg Podcast Industries Present ... Happy Endings with Barrister and Scizz - Episode 1

10/14/2014

Our little website adventure has been a haven for negativity, as a rule, and it's about time we tried to change that paradigm. Born out of Scizz's brain, we're taking a crack at a weekly podcast aimed at being positive. Positive enough to keep Scizz motivated to stay in the business of producing oral internet content without slipping into a downward spiral of rage and infinite sadness.

Enough of sad stuff that keeps us yelling too much.

We bring you Happy Endings with Barrister and Scizz.

Hope you like it. No big deal if you don't. We'll try to keep getting better.

Stream below, iTunes below, direct download here or here , RSS feed here.