Cat = Buffalo GMs / Bird = Super Bowl
The Scizz
Alright, alright. We've had soccer and basketball posts with veiled references to Buffalo this week, but enough is enough. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoyed both the Yachtsman's and Apologist's posts as much as the next guy, but now it's time for some more direct self-loathing. With the NFL rookie combine wrapping up, I have decided to go directly to one of the main sources that has caused us all so much pain the last several years: the Buffalo Bills' drafts since 2002. Now dissecting and examining every Bills' draft of the last 9 years would make for a very long blog post, as well as send me into a deep depression that may force me to run full speed into a brick wall, so I have decided to make this a series of posts. Let's begin.
Alright, alright. We've had soccer and basketball posts with veiled references to Buffalo this week, but enough is enough. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoyed both the Yachtsman's and Apologist's posts as much as the next guy, but now it's time for some more direct self-loathing. With the NFL rookie combine wrapping up, I have decided to go directly to one of the main sources that has caused us all so much pain the last several years: the Buffalo Bills' drafts since 2002. Now dissecting and examining every Bills' draft of the last 9 years would make for a very long blog post, as well as send me into a deep depression that may force me to run full speed into a brick wall, so I have decided to make this a series of posts. Let's begin.
Mr. Bad Decison, Tom Donahoe
Between the 2002 and 2005 drafts, only FOUR players are still on the Buffalo roster. Granted, this was during the simply awful Tom Donahoe era, and GM's usually like to come in and clean house as much as possible, but the fact that through those four drafts only four players have managed to stick around is sickening. Not to mention, these players (Chris Kelsay, Terrence McGee, Lee Evans, and Roscoe Parrish) are ALL under-achievers who could foreseeably be on their way out. However, I will say that before a season-ending injury, Roscoe was re-inventing himself in Chan Gailey's offense. But fuck the other three. On to 2006, the Marv Levy era!!!
'I met Visanthe in person. I kid you not....this big.'
Oh, Marv, Marv, Marv. Remember when you wanted to draft only "high caliber guys"? Jeezy creezy, what a terrible idea. Still, we all drank the kool-aid. How could we not? The man that led us through the golden age of football during our childhood was here to save the franchise. If he said he was only going to draft guys named Jim, Thurman, Andre, and Bruce... football experience or not, I would have supported him without a question and stabbed anyone who said otherwise. BUT, we were all very wrong as we can see from the train wreck I'm about to show you.
I'd take an entire team of Charlie Sheen's and Pacman Jones' if it meant making the playoffs in 2011. Here we go...
THE 2006 DRAFT:
I'd take an entire team of Charlie Sheen's and Pacman Jones' if it meant making the playoffs in 2011. Here we go...
THE 2006 DRAFT:
7th round: Aaron Merz - Guard - California
Merz appeared sparingly in 7 games his rookie season and was never seen from again. Granted, 7th rounders aren't exactly supposed to be top notch, but every year teams like the Jets, Patriots, and Steelers manage to find late round gems. Buffalo has managed to find one in the last 10 years, but we will talk about him another day.
Merz appeared sparingly in 7 games his rookie season and was never seen from again. Granted, 7th rounders aren't exactly supposed to be top notch, but every year teams like the Jets, Patriots, and Steelers manage to find late round gems. Buffalo has managed to find one in the last 10 years, but we will talk about him another day.
'Make that, Terrance Pennington, the thiiiiiiiiird.' 7th round: Terrance Pennington - Tackle - New Mexico
First of all, if you see an offensive lineman and his name sounds like that of a snobby, British golfer, chances are he is not cut out for the NFL. This guy looked like that possible diamond in the rough. In his rookie season, he started in 9 games. He was forced into action due to injuries and appeared to play well. Then he was inexplicably cut the following training camp and ended up playing in a few games for the Falcons in 2007. Wait... did I say injuries to the offensive line??? That never happens in Buffalo!!!! F. M. L.
First of all, if you see an offensive lineman and his name sounds like that of a snobby, British golfer, chances are he is not cut out for the NFL. This guy looked like that possible diamond in the rough. In his rookie season, he started in 9 games. He was forced into action due to injuries and appeared to play well. Then he was inexplicably cut the following training camp and ended up playing in a few games for the Falcons in 2007. Wait... did I say injuries to the offensive line??? That never happens in Buffalo!!!! F. M. L.
Appears to work hard, but doesn't accomplish much. 6th round: Keith Ellison - Linebacker - Oregon State
This one might not seem awful at first. I even jumped to his defense after the 2009 season when he led the NFL in tackles before getting injured (there's that word again) in Week 8. But on paper, you get a pretty solid idea of what a failure Keith really is. 164 solo tackles and 2 sacks in five seasons, while not staying healthy since 2007. He has been sliding by as "just good enough" his whole career. He will not be a Bill in 2011. 0 for 3.
This one might not seem awful at first. I even jumped to his defense after the 2009 season when he led the NFL in tackles before getting injured (there's that word again) in Week 8. But on paper, you get a pretty solid idea of what a failure Keith really is. 164 solo tackles and 2 sacks in five seasons, while not staying healthy since 2007. He has been sliding by as "just good enough" his whole career. He will not be a Bill in 2011. 0 for 3.
I'm confused too, Brad 5th round: Brad Butler - Offensive Lineman - Virginia
Remember Brad? After a lackluster rookie season, he looked like the real deal. In fact, after 2008, he actually signed this contract extension and was supposed to anchor the line for years to come. What happened? Just two games into the 2009 season, he had a career ending IN-JUR-Y to his right knee and that was that. Never would have happened to Howard Ballard. Just sayin'.
Remember Brad? After a lackluster rookie season, he looked like the real deal. In fact, after 2008, he actually signed this contract extension and was supposed to anchor the line for years to come. What happened? Just two games into the 2009 season, he had a career ending IN-JUR-Y to his right knee and that was that. Never would have happened to Howard Ballard. Just sayin'.
5th round: Kyle Williams - Defensive Lineman - LSU
I couldn't find out much about this guy. Who knows what happened to him.
Yeah, yeah, credit due. This has ended up being a great pick. But 1 for 8 doesn't make this shitty draft any better.
I couldn't find out much about this guy. Who knows what happened to him.
Yeah, yeah, credit due. This has ended up being a great pick. But 1 for 8 doesn't make this shitty draft any better.
No, Ko. You are worth nothing now. ASS. 4th round: Ko Simpson - Safety - South Carolina
Again, a promising start but went downhill fast. Just read this, this, and this.
Again, a promising start but went downhill fast. Just read this, this, and this.
I actually found a picture of his ONE interception! 3rd round: Ashton Youboty - Defensive Back - Ohio State
Besides the awesome name, Ashton never really did much. Cut after the 2007 season, Ashton went on to... what was that? He is still on the team? No shit? Wow, that's surprising. Maybe I didn't notice because he's only had 60 tackles and ONE interception in 5 seasons.
Besides the awesome name, Ashton never really did much. Cut after the 2007 season, Ashton went on to... what was that? He is still on the team? No shit? Wow, that's surprising. Maybe I didn't notice because he's only had 60 tackles and ONE interception in 5 seasons.
John McCargo ate my sandwich = My fantasy team name 1st round: John McCargo - Defensive Tackle - N.C. State
I need to cover this one quickly before a vein explodes in my head. Buffalo traded up to draft him, eventually traded him, had the trade voided because his overweight ass couldn't pass a physical in Indianapolis, brought him back the following season instead of giving some young rookie free agent a shot, and then guess who appeared in less games than Aaron Maybin last season? THIS. FAT. FUCK. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHH!
I need to cover this one quickly before a vein explodes in my head. Buffalo traded up to draft him, eventually traded him, had the trade voided because his overweight ass couldn't pass a physical in Indianapolis, brought him back the following season instead of giving some young rookie free agent a shot, and then guess who appeared in less games than Aaron Maybin last season? THIS. FAT. FUCK. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHH!
1st round: Donte Whitner - Safety - Ohio State
Remember when Marv shocked everyone with this pick? Then remember in Donte's first season when he flew all over the field like a bat out of Hell and you fell in love with his work ethic? Now remember the past 3 seasons where he has been torched repeatedly, made tackles 15 yards downfield (and celebrated about it), made one big hit just to let you know he is still there, but then subsequently is never seen again for that game? Or maybe when he finally does something well late in the 4th quarter when his team is down three touchdowns, but he celebrates like the Bills just won the AFC championship?!? Yeah. Let that sink in as he asks for a new contract that will make him one of the top paid safeties in the NFL.
In the words of Scarface from Half Baked: Fuck YOU, fuck YOU, fuck YOU, fuck YOU, you're cool (points to Kyle Williams), fuck YOU, fuck YOU and fuck YOU, I'm out.
Remember when Marv shocked everyone with this pick? Then remember in Donte's first season when he flew all over the field like a bat out of Hell and you fell in love with his work ethic? Now remember the past 3 seasons where he has been torched repeatedly, made tackles 15 yards downfield (and celebrated about it), made one big hit just to let you know he is still there, but then subsequently is never seen again for that game? Or maybe when he finally does something well late in the 4th quarter when his team is down three touchdowns, but he celebrates like the Bills just won the AFC championship?!? Yeah. Let that sink in as he asks for a new contract that will make him one of the top paid safeties in the NFL.
In the words of Scarface from Half Baked: Fuck YOU, fuck YOU, fuck YOU, fuck YOU, you're cool (points to Kyle Williams), fuck YOU, fuck YOU and fuck YOU, I'm out.
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